Critter Quest - Our adventure to welcome a 2nd Thai child into our family through adoption

Moving!

2010-01-07T23:24:00.002-06:00

Please update your bookmarks and RSS feeds.
We've moved:
http://critterquest.wordpress.com/

Timing

2010-01-03T20:03:00.000-06:00

I just realized:

T was born the day after we completed the homestudy for his adoption.
When T was born, we were attending a 2-day adoption education class.
P was born exactly one week before we completed the homestudy for his adoption.
P was also born on the day Kyle blogged that we'd gotten the court date to finalize T's adoption.

When we were working on all of that paperwork, the reality of critters coming home seemed so far away. But their lives were already beginning - we just didn't know it yet.

And also? I'm trying to come up with nick names to use on the blog. T and P is going to get confusing. Ideas?

-Robin

Amazing

2010-01-01T10:32:00.001-06:00

Robin wrote this more than a week ago, but we're posting it today because we wanted time to tell our families in person.

Today is Christmas Eve.

Last night after dinner, I was settled into the couch with some last minute Christmas embroidering in my lap. T was alternating between Kyle and I for stories. The phone rang. It was Marissa. MARISSA, people. Do you KNOW who Marissa is? If you're in the Holt Thai program, you do. So you know where I'm going with this.

Kyle answered and was talking so calmly and didn't even gesture for me to pick up the other phone, but I did out of curiosity anyway. And she was calling with OUR REFERRAL!

It was so unexpected, and Kyle was remaining so serious during the call, that I was worried that *he* was worried about some of the information we were getting. So *I* tried not to get excited. Until we could talk. Until we could call a pediatrician. Until we could be rational. But really, I was in shock. I simply couldn't believe I was talking to Marissa, on the night before Christmas Eve, about a little boy in Thailand.

We headed to the laptop, asking ourselves if we wanted to hold off on looking at the pictures until we could reach a pediatrician (on Christmas EVE? I was starting to panic.). We said yes, let's wait on the photographs. We opened the email to see his face staring out at us. Oops. Too late. We knew he was ours!

We made some desperate phone calls and sent some panicky emails trying to find a doctor to work with us before Christmas (how could we NOT DECIDE before Christmas??). I will forever be grateful to one fellow Holt mom for taking time to talk with me for 45 minutes while she was trying to get ready to go out of town.

Ultimately, we had some great email correspondence with a physician friend and then a mad-dash across the ice-covered city to get to the pediatrician's office before they closed for the holiday. The doctor we talked to was an adoptive dad himself and we felt so blessed that he took time to see us. He confirmed that there was no reason not to adopt this little boy. That's all we needed to hear.

We picked up photos of little "P" on the way home and put them in an album for T. T keeps repeating his name and insisted on taking his nap with the album under his pillow. We haven't told him the pictures are of his brother yet because we're afraid he'll tell his grandparents at church tonight...we have a surprise planned for tomorrow instead. (The plan includes emergency crafting, so I was up until midnight making props!) We considered letting Santa somehow tell T about his brother, but quickly realized that could only be confusing to T.

So now we have stopped sleeping because we are too excited. And Christmas is tomorrow and there is so much we planned to do that we suddenly don't have time for. But I can let all of it go, because I suddenly am matched with a little boy in Thailand and it makes my world look totally different.

P's name means "utmost progress" in Thai. He is living in a foster family in Bang Sai, the same village where T's foster family lives. He turns one year old next month. Did I mention that we're excited?

-Robin

Daddy's back

2009-12-20T15:12:00.000-06:00

I've already received my present for Christmas. I get a whole lot of free time with my family.

It's been a busy couple of months for daddy. This fall I added a part time job to my routine, which added a lot of hours to my work week....although some stategically-utilized vacation time helped ease the weekly workload.

Since the part time job is on campus, I'm already done for the semester and enjoying a break before classes resume in January. Being down to one full time job for a few weeks will feel good.

The second job has been a change in our routine that results in more T time with mommy, and a little less with daddy. On a few occasions, we had daddy/kiddo days, which were terrific fun.

I miss all the extra time I used to have with him, but I'm very grateful we can continue to be home with T.

I also miss blogging. There have been dozens of blog entry topics I've thought of and forgotten about in the last couple of months. I'll have to do a better job of writing them down next semester.

I've been thinking a lot about T's future sibling lately. T has made it an easier wait by distracting us with his infectious personality, but we're talking more and more about our eventual trip back to Thailand. T is excited about it, but also raising concerns about us holding a different baby. I suppose it's good he started thinking of this new reality now. Perhaps it will be less startling than a sudden realization that he's no longer our only focus of attention.

Some have been surprised to hear how excited I am about the second referral. Apparently, for most families, the anticipation over getting the second referral is less than the first. I can't help but be excited to find out.

I never forget that for every adoption story, there's likely sad circumstances behind it. I feel some guilt in being excited, but I can't deny my anticipation.

Perhaps you'll hear from me a few more times before I dive back into my books. No doubt we'll have some stories and pics from the upcoming holiday.

-Kyle

I happily have nothing important to say

2009-12-16T20:31:00.000-06:00

I was thinking about attachment today because, well, I realized I hadn't thought about it in awhile. T has been so very lovey lately. I don't usually make a point to write about attachment when it's going well, but I probably should, or this blog will give the impression that our attachment with T is always a struggle. It sometimes feels that way, but it sometimes feels easy.

The easy times have been rare since I lost my job in September. While I enjoy not working 2nd shift, the change in routine was hard for all of us. But, and I am aware that I am jinxing myself here, the last few weeks have been deliciously sweet.

I hear at least 60 cheerful "I love you, Mama!"s a day that are peppered with kisses on my nose, little arms around my neck, offers of back-rubs, and requests to snuggle longer. He pets my hair and tells me I'm a "nice little girl". I think he's in love - I know I am. For the most part, T has been happy and about as compliant as a kid closer to 3 than 2 can be.

He still usually prefers me over Kyle when given the choice, but he misses his dad when he's at work and is excited to see him come home.

The road to attachment hasn't always been smooth for us, and there seem to be a lot of blind corners, so I'm relishing this patch of road while we're on it.

-Robin

Two years

2009-12-12T23:16:00.001-06:00

Two years ago tonight, I pulled into the driveway after work to see Kyle running out the back door, waving me frantically inside. He had the phone in his hand, and laryngitis in his throat so he wasn't able to talk to our social worker, who had just called to tell us they'd matched us with a little boy named T, born in Bangkok and almost 7 months old.

I tried to keep from shaking as I stood in the kitchen and listened to Marissa read information from T's file. I remember wondering how she thought I'd remember a thing she was telling me. When the conversation was over, we tripped all over ourselves to get the computer open and look for an email that would have the photographs we'd been dreaming of seeing for the last year. We paused before opening the files, looking at each other and holding our breath. Then suddenly, we could see the beautiful face of a little boy whose name we weren't yet sure how to pronounce (and still weren't after we'd been home a full year, but that's another story).

Sharing the news of his referral with our family that Christmas was an excitement that I'll never forget.

I knew that our lives would never be the same, but I didn't really grasp the enormity of that change. T is my greatest love and my greatest challenge. His successes make me prouder than any personal accomplishment. On tough days, he can make me more frustrated than I knew possible. His joy is contagious and brightens the entire house. I feel lucky beyond words that I'm T's mom. It's hard to believe only 2 years have gone by. Life feels so incredibly different now.

I'm finally letting myself get excited about the possibility of receiving word of T's future sibling. It's still a long ways off, but I think I'll feel something like this:

Zzzzzz

2009-10-22T07:14:00.000-05:00

I was planning a post in my head that went something like this:

ACK! I don't know what happened, but our little boy who once slept in *his own* bed (after 6 months of Kyle sleeping on the floor, inching himself further away from T's bed) is going back-back-backwards and is now sleeping in *our* bed again. After vacation this summer he needed us to sleep on his floor. (And he crawled in bed with us in tears around 3am.) Then he needed to sleep in a "nest" of blankets on the floor next to our bed. (And he crawled in bed with us in tears around 11pm.) Then he needed to sleep in our bed all night. And NOW he's started sobbing about his fear of being left alone at bedtime before we even eat dinner - even though he's sleeping *with* us. Monday, a new low, he wouldn't even take his nap in his own bed with Kyle sitting next to him. HELP! His crying is desperate and frantic and it's breaking my heart!

And then, this week, in a strange turn of events, T is suddenly, silently, in his own bed for the entire night. It makes no logical sense to me.

I have no problem with co-sleeping, but T wasn't even happy with that anymore. Something had to change. I don't know what inspired me, but in a desperate attempt to try something different, I slid his bed across the room. T can now lay in it and see me laying in my bed across the hall. We had "practice"sessions that afternoon in which we did a super-light-speed bedtime routine (books-hug-kiss-"sleep dust"-blankets-stuffed animals-goonight-i love you) and then he "pretended" to sleep while I read a book in my bed. He kept a close eye on me, but really liked the game of it all. We practiced a lot.

The first bed-time came, and there were a few tears. OK, a lot of tears. There were tears, off and on, for several hours. But the tears were totally different than the frantic, desperate sobs we've been having when we were putting him to sleep *in our bed*. They were quieter and just sort of sad, and he never tried to get out of bed. (In the past, we'd never have considered letting him just cry because his crying was totally frantic, and would run out of bed and throw himself on the floor or run blindly down the (at the top of stairs) hallway). He repeatedly told us (through tears, bless his heart) that he was "practicing" and "pretending" to sleep. He "pretended" to sleep in his very own bed all the way until I let him crawl in bed with me at 6am. The next 2 nights? No crying and no crawling in bed with us at all.

I think he really *wanted* to be able to sleep in his own bed. (He's told us several times that his friends sleep in their "big boy beds".) All the times we slept on his floor and in the hallway, he was hyper-vigilant because he knew at some point we'd go back to sleeping in our own bed. He'd wake up and not see us. He was just waiting for us to leave and being afraid of it ahead of time. My theory is that now, he doesn't have to fear us leaving, because we're in our own bed already. And he can see us the whole time. For some reason, that distinction is better for his little brain. Or maybe he was just finally ready. Who knows. I have every finger and toe crossed that this lasts.

-Robin

Thai Night and Thai Temple

2009-10-05T22:31:00.000-05:00

I feel like a broken record, but we feel so thankful for the wonderful Thai community in our area. We attended the Milwaukee Thai-American Association's Thai Night and had a great time. My parents and Kyle's mom came also, and we were really happy they wanted to soak up some Thai culture with us. T showed everyone his bright, social personality by running around all night making new friends and dancing with beautiful women (I sometimes feel like we already have a teenager). Kyle and I skipped the dancing but we ate a lot of incredible food and enjoyed the traditional dancing. My dad did *not* skip the Thai dancing, and he is very lucky it was dark and the evidential pictures didn't turn out well enough to post. The very luckiest part of the night was meeting new friends who have a son nearly T's age. The boys enjoyed chasing each other around.

After Thai Night, our new friends invited us to join them at Buddha Haksa Templ e in Waukesha. We had talked about going in the past but had chickened out because we didn't really know when or how to go about visiting. Totally psyched to have an "in", we invited other friends with a Thai kiddo along, too.

Here's where I confess that, despite knowing we were meeting multiple friends, we were still pretty nervous about going. We'd visited many wats (temples) in Thailand but had never been to a formal ceremony. Kyle and I are socially challenged in large groups of new people to begin with. The thought of adding in an unfamiliar religious ceremony and a volatile, unpredictable two-year-old was really making me sweat. We had no clue what the protocol was for going to the temple. We asked our friends for tips, and they told us we could bring water or juice boxes for the monks.

Water or juice boxes!? This sounded so strange to us! What kind of juice do monks drink? Would it be wrong to buy them something artificially flavored? Do they only drink organic juice? Do we bring it inside the temple with us? Like in a plastic bag? Isn't that weird? We did not want to do anything disrespectful but I was pretty sure we'd manage to somehow. Our Thai friend Jet was so sweet and casual, and very, "Oh, whatever you bring is fine" and I think that attitude is *awesome* and totally. not. me. I need to learn to relax and just go with the flow. I think living in Thailand for awhile would be good for me.

Sunday morning dawned and Kyle was too sick to go to the temple and then I *really* started sweating. I was going to have to navigate the temple and T-wrangling solo. Yikes. It turned out that I should not have worried so much (as is always the case). We stopped to buy water on the way (because I really couldn't decide which flavor of juice was most respectful for a Buddhist ceremony) and in the gas station, T announced to the cashier "Water for the MONKS! T give the water to the MONKS!" The cashier eyed him suspiciously and handed me my change.

After about an hour's drive we arrived at the temple and the parking lot was packed. T and I stood outside the building with our other white-friends-with-Thai-kid and wondered what to do. Walk right in? Wait for Jet and her family? But what if she was already inside? Thankfully, we spotted her husband Andy outside and he gave us a little tour of the grounds.

The main building is decorated on the outside as much like a traditional Thai temple in Wisconsin can be. The upper floor is the main temple. The "basement" (which is actually at ground level) is a large open room set up with tables for feeding a very large group of people. The group decided we'd like to at least give the ceremony a try before retreating to the basement, so we climbed the steps, removed our shoes, and sneaked in as inconspicuously as a group of 7 adults and 3 kids can. The floor was full of people kneeling, praying, and chanting. Monks were all seated in a line along one side of the room on a platform a few inches higher than the floor.

I would love to learn more about the actual prayers being said. The language used, I later learned, is Pali. T wouldn't let me hold my hands together in the wai position like everyone else did. For some reason, that really bothered him. The ceremony we were there for was the end of Buddhist Lent. From the Wise Internet:

After three months restricted to their temples, learning dharma and practicing meditation, the Buddhist monks once again return to their social duties. Thai Buddhists celebrate this occasion by offering food and lavish gifts to monks.

The kids were getting antsy so we sneaked back out of the temple after maybe 10 minutes. Soon, the gong sounded and people started to file outside, carrying their offerings for the monks. The monks walked around the circle carrying alms bowls and we placed our offerings inside. T, who had been super-stoked about giving water to the monks, was suddenly shy and I had to do it for him. (My camera battery died so these pictures are courtesy of Andy and Jet - thanks guys!) Some people gave sticky rice or fruit, but juice and individually wrapped snacks seemed to be the most popular gifts.

After the offering, everyone filed back inside the temple to finish praying. We, instead, hung out in the basement until the worshippers joined us downstairs for lunch. There were many huge tables sagging under the weight of a feast of food that people had brought. It was delicious. I can't get enough of that spicy papaya salad. We saw other Thai friends we'd met at picnics and Thai Night. Everyone was friendly and a few women T had danced with at Thai night wanted to hold him again. He was more than happy to oblige.

After lunch, Jet wanted to take the boys upstairs to give our monetary offerings directly to the monks so the kids could get used to seeing them. That was a great idea. Unfortunately, T's parents didn't prepare him for this situation. Instead of a respectfully kneeling and wai-ing like his little friend, T started to say "No!" and got upset. We backed off for awhile, and with some coaxing by the adults, and the monk holding out a little ceramic Buddha for him to take, he got pretty close. I had to take the orange thread from the monk to tie around his wrist, but I think he'll do better next time.

Once outside, another monk offered the boys some juice boxes. T really liked that a lot but wanted someone else to take the juice and hand it to him. He was still wary of getting too close.

The oddest part of the day was getting a goody bag of treats. After the ceremony, ladies sat in the temple and package up the offerings people made for the monks and gave them out to everyone to take back home, because there was simply too much food for the monks to eat. We arrived home with a random collection of Thai snacks, American granola bars, and a banana that T ate before we snapped this picture:

Within 5 minutes of leaving, T was crying in the car because he wanted to go back and thank the monks. Since we've been home, he repeatedly tells me that "Monks give you juice". Well, I guess he's technically right, but I think we're all going to have to learn a little more about Buddhism so he takes away something beyond the treats.

Passport photos

2009-09-30T21:29:00.000-05:00

Readers who know me in real life already know that I will do almost anything to save twelve cents. We make our own laundry soap, our own bread, and I'd be sewing/knitting our clothes if I wasn't, in addition to being thrifty, an extreme procrastinator (we'd end up naked, and with Wisconsin weather, that could be very bad).

One of the things I've been procrastinating on is getting a passport for T. Now I'm down to the wire. See, we filed for an extension on our taxes because I didn't have a SSN for T. To get the SSN, it seems easiest to get the passport first. Got that? Passport, then SSN, then taxes. Taxes are due October 15th. Gulp. Kyle, cover your eyes and don't read this: I think we're going to have to just file without his SSN and file an amended return later. My bad.

But in an effort to get the ball rolling the right direction, I finally looked up what we need to do to get T's passport. To save exactly $7.84, we're using this website to make our own passport photos. You upload a headshot with a white background, crop with their nifty help, and download the photos that are magically the right specifications and size. We'll send this off to our local photo processor and get our passport photos for 15 cents.

The caveat was getting T to *stand still* for our little photo session. I was all, "Hey T, look right at me, no - right. at. me. Turn your head this way. Wait, too far. Look back *that* way. Stop moving your arms. Don't bite your lip. Open your eyes. Close your mouth. Stand up. Don't lean forward. Stand up straighter. Not that straight. I have to see both your ears. Arms *down*."

I should have just told him: "Stop being two years old!!"
Poor guy. Incredibly, I think we did get a shot that'll work, and Kyle reminded me this was preferable to having the whole scene play out *in public* at the grocery store with an 18 year old cashier holding an unfamiliar camera who might not have as much patience.

And also, T's passport will be actual proof that he's an American. You never know when someone from Homeland Security will demand to see documentation at library storytime. We can't be too careful.

-Robin

I thought the horror stories would end once T was home

2009-09-22T00:27:00.001-05:00

Playing at the park with T, minding my own business, a woman watching 2 grandkids sidles up to me and starts yaking at me. With no provocation, she proceeds to tell me:

The marital status of each of her kids, how many offspring each had, the childcare arrangements for each, where they currently (and previously) reside(d), which ones still visit and which ones she sees only on holidays.
The flaws of each of her grandchildren (she could have skipped that - the little girl who kept pushing T away from the swings and standing with her arms out to forbid him to use them? was bossy - got it).
She wanted to go sky diving with her son but he went without her after she tried to reschedule because she wasn't feeling well.
She's a blackbelt in Tae Kwan Do.
Her friends adopted 3 kids and the 2 boys were just perfect - so athletic and smart - but the girl - oh the girl was a disaster and had XYZ problems and ABC problems and she NMOed and then she PQRed and the police came and DEFed and now she's totally estranged from the family.

Uh, OK. Nice meeting you. I will be finding another park to play at now...backing away slowly...

-Robin

Adopt a critter?

2009-09-19T19:44:00.000-05:00

Some people are strongly opposed to the use of the word "adopt" in sponsorship situations (adopt-a-highway, adopt-an-animal). Here's one such argument, taken from an article I found online:

Think it through with me for a minute: we try so hard to reassure our adopted children that adoption is permanent and forever. Then we tell them we are adopting an animal, say a gorilla, at the local zoo. We send the zoo some money and go visit "our" animal, then go home. Perhaps we visit once or twice more that year. The next year our family gets together to decide how to spend the money we've set aside for donation to the community. This time we decide to let someone else sponsor the gorilla this year because we'd rather try a whale.

I can understand their argument, but usually, I shrug it off and have decided there are bigger things to worry about. Would I prefer a "Help a Highway" sign along the road and a "Sponsor a Cheetah" program at the zoo? Sure. But I feel like I can't change society's use of the word adopt, so I'd rather focus my energy on helping T be comfortable with the word, and understand its different uses.

At a recent trip to our nearby zoo I was pleasantly surprised to see this display:

Their "Befriend-An-Animal" program uses no "adoption" language. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. This was in Madison, after all, which is a particularly progressive city (76 square miles surrounded by reality). It was nice nonetheless.

-Robin

Will we ever shut up about that attachment stuff?

2009-09-08T20:31:00.006-05:00

Probably not. This is our adoption-related blog. For fluffy family fun, visit here or here.

More thoughts on attachment, in two parts.

Part One: Grossness and TMI. You've been warned. But no pictures, thank God.

A few weeks ago, when we were newly home from camp and T was struggling more with attachment, he came down with an intestinal bug.

Oh, the agony. The pain. The loss of desire to use the toilet (alas, he'd only been potty trained for about one week). The zillions upon zillions of dirty diapers. The smells (T's). The exasperation (mine). The exhaustion (everyone's).

Day after day, for almost a week, was spent entirely changing diapers, comforting him, washing diapers, and keeping him hydrated. He was really fine except for his diarrhea. But he was spent and uncomfortable. It made him cling to me big time. I felt awful for him. I was helpless to do anything to cure him, so I just did my best to keep him snuggled and clean and full of liquids. This was not an earth shattering illness. His pediatrician didn't even want me to bring him in. But T has been so healthy since we got home - I think he's had one cold in the last 15 months - so it was really his first time being "sick" with us.

The amount he had to depend on me that week really affected T. Our routine-shattering, stranger-filled vacation had strained our bond, and I was still feeling that things were still not quite on even footing when he got sick. But T was feeling crummy enough to let me baby him a lot, which is what many attachment experts recommend to help foster a stronger bond. It's often when I feel like T's connection to us isn't so hot that babying him would be the hardest thing to do, because he's actively pushing us away. By the time T's stomach was improving, so was his attachment (until the hellacious diaper rash appeared, but that's another story). Now he and I are tight again, which, ironically (but logically, if you understand how attachment works) means he's much more confident about independently exploring his world. He seems more in control of himself and more in balance again. I'm not happy he was ill, but glad to see there was a silver lining to our challenging, unhappy week. We would have gotten back to this place eventually, but I'm grateful for the nudge.

Part Two: Mom vs. Dad, or, How the Economy Affects Attachment

I was laid off last week. I knew it was coming, and I'm seeing it as an opportunity to spend all day with T, possibly on a permanent basis (at least until he's in school, if this works out). The combination of working 2nd shift and watching T in the mornings was getting brutal on the sleep front. I'm happy for this chance and especially thrilled to see my husband more than on weekends (we worked opposite shifts to avoid needing outside childcare). But this is not about me.

Since I've been home (one whole week), T has spent much much much more time with only me than previously. He used to actually have more face time (by almost 3 hours) with Kyle on an average day. Kyle, coincidentally, just started a 2nd, part time job (it, also, began last week). (Of, felicitous fate, thank you for laying me off at the precise moment we would have started to need childcare!) Due to job #2, he's gone for some of the afternoon hours he used to spend alone with T.

In one week's time, we're seeing a pretty big slide in T's attachment with Kyle. I'm assuming Kyle (lovely, overworked, and currently sleeping Kyle) will not mind my sharing this publicly, but he's now so busy that he probably won't blog again until the semester is over, and in fact, may not even have time to read this. (Um, hi babe! Shouldn't you be working or something? =) ) T is starting to resist making eye contact with him, and is pulling stunts like trying to guess which parent would take him to the toilet before he'll answer if he needs to use it (if I'll take him, he'll go; if Kyle is taking him, he'll hold it). He insists, more than usual, on me holding him instead of Kyle, me doing the bedtime routine (which has always been Kyle's thing), me cleaning him up after meals, me reading him stories, and basically, just on me in general if we're both home. Much of T's insistence is in the form of crying and tantrums, which is painful for everyone.

I feel like this could be because he's milking my being home for all it's worth, or he's worried since his Dad is gone more than he used to be (or a combination of the two). But we're working hard to get T's bond with his dad stronger. We're sticking to the dad-son bedtime routine. Kyle still gives T all his showers. Kyle's doing some eye contact games with him. We're encouraging T to go to Kyle to be held and snuggled. I think we're also going to make a point to give T time with Kyle when I'm not an option. Either the boys or I need to leave the house for a few hours of alone time on the afternoons that Kyle is around, so that they can have fun without the stress of me being there for T to run to. This sort of bums me out because it was this extra family time I was looking forward to, but we'll still have lots of time together. I'm confident T will be begging to snuggle up to his Dad again soon.

The hard part is Kyle not taking it personally. I feel terrible for Kyle when T throws a fit about sitting on his lap after Kyle has been at work and missing him all day, while I'm equally frustrated because I could use a break myself after a day of critter wrangling. Stay tuned...

-Robin

Thai picnic

2009-08-24T13:51:00.002-05:00

We had a great time Sunday at the Thai-American Association annual picnic in Milwaukee. What a wonderful group of people...and they know how to do a picnic (including a (tangmo) watermelon eating contest)!

As you might expect, the food was fantastic. Everyone brought something and the grills were working all afternoon. The weather was perfect.

We made some great new friends, some of which we hope to see in between Thai-Am gatherings. If you're interested, the next one is a Thai night coming up at the end of September in New Berlin.

Who do we have to thank for making such an awesome connection to Thai culture?

Meet Phen. Robin and I took an awesome cooking class with her, and she got us included in the group. (You see her and T get along just fine). They're very welcoming to adoptive families. We even recruited two other adoptive families come with us to Sunday's picnic.

Robin and I discussed on the way home how lucky we are to have found this group. Thai culture is hard to find in Southern Wisconsin, but when you find it, it's just as wonderful as what you find in Thailand.

Someone at the picnic was startled that we drove over an hour to be there.

We would have driven much further, if we had to.

-Kyle

The final step

2009-08-19T17:09:00.000-05:00

I'm sure many of you thought that there was nothing left to do for T's adoption. As of today, there isn't.

We traveled to Chicago today to visit the Thai consulate. We were needed there to finalize the adoption with the Thai government. We weren't sure what this meant, but we'd heard from others that it's very quick and very easy.

Consulate officials had requested scanned copies of our passports and a few other docs before we arrived, and amazingly, they didn't need a single document from us once we were there. They looked us over in comparison to our passport photos, and then six signatures (3 from each of us) and a few photocopies later, we were free to go. Although T practiced his "sawasdee krab" to infinity over the last few days and all the way to Chicago, once we were in the building he was predictably too shy to say it.

We felt lucky that we live close enough to make this a relatively easy day trip. Some families have to travel across multiple states for this visit.

It was nice to visit the consulate and see all of the reminders of Thailand. We can't wait to return. For me, it also was a reminder of the culture T is now no longer a part of. We're doing our best to bring Thai culture into his life, but there's no substitute for living there.

There was no sense in wasting the drive to Chicago, so we took a little extra time to eat a yummy Thai meal, find a quick geocache, and visit a nearby park where T terrorized the pigeons with another little boy.

We would like to return to Chicago to do more some day soon. As simple as the consulate visit was, adding in T's nap schedule, there was little time to do much else before we hit the Big Crash. Next time...more activities, and visits with friends (That means you, Hannah and co.!).

Now, on with number 2!

Attachment Dance

2009-08-13T09:57:00.004-05:00

Two steps forward, one step back.

Our current attachment struggles are our fault as parents - we went on vacation as a family for a week. I feel bad about T's struggle with "reentry" to the real world, but I'm not sure I would have ultimately done anything differently.

Before camp: T was continuing to seem more and more comfortable with his world. He would play in a separate room for short time periods. He didn't seek out being held in the carrier as often. He was comfortably sleeping alone in his bed through the night. (The sleeping was the result of Kyle's diligent work with him over about 4 months of inching his sleeping bag further from T's bed at night.)

Family camp: Approximately 20 families /~95 people who ate meals together and did some organized activities together, with a healthy amount of free time to play however we liked. We shared a cabin with friends of the family. There was beach, water, singing, canoeing, ice cream sundaes eaten far passed bed time, nature hikes, and frog catching. Most of all, there were PEOPLE. Also at camp were my parents, grandma, and my sister and her husband. Between extended family and the other kiddos and great families, T had a non-stop Entourage. T is a very social guy so he ate it all up. A few slightly older kids took a shine to him and spent a lot of time playing with him. One little girl told him, "It's just like I'm your big sister." I was worried the whole camp experience could be really hard on him, but he seemed to thrive. He was a little more anxious than usual - he wanted to sit on my lap for some meals, and he wanted one of us to sleep with him at night. I had expected that and he seemed comforted by the extra snuggles at night. But he also enjoyed his little preschool class (without us present!). He was happy happy happy each day to explore his new world. He cried hard when we told him we were coming home.

After camp: He's back to riding in the Ergo for most of the day. He won't even walk into his play room alone to fetch a book or toy. Bed time is mostly normal (with a few pleas to sleep with mom and dad) but he wakes up around midnight and screams frantically to come to our room across the hall and cannot be calmed. Last night I ended up sleeping on the floor in his room. We really don't want to slip all the way back to him in our bed - it's not that we mind (he's so snuggly!) - it was *such* a long process to get him in his own room. Me sleeping on the floor last night seemed to satisfy him.

None of this was really unexpected. T has been home for 14 months - longer than he lived in Thailand. But a big change in routine would probably affect any kid - it just has the potential to affect kids with a background like T's more. I think the good he got out of camp will ultimately outweigh our current struggles. While this week is hard, he's still generally happy and freely doling out the kisses and hugs and "I love you Mama!"s. I get the feeling that where we are is a temporary adjustment. He's still asking to go back to "Moon Beach Kid's Camp!!" daily. I'm glad we were able to go together as a family for a week and show him that we will always come back home together.

-Robin

Thai Mother's Day

2009-08-12T10:54:00.003-05:00

วันแม่แห่งชาติ
Happy Mother's Day to all Thai Moms.

T's first mom is often on my mind, and especially so today. I think she's on T's mind as well. Today while he was hugging and kissing a teddy bear, I asked him what the bear's name was. He told me his Thai mom's name.

When we talked about Thai Mother's Day, T asked if she was going to come over for a visit. I wish this could be true for him. We're off to the garden now to pick a vase of flowers for her.

-Robin

Thailand, forgive us

2009-08-12T10:47:00.002-05:00

I try to show T pictures from Thailand often and do my best to discuss what life is like there. He saw this picture and was so proud that he knew who the person was - a "CHIPMUNK!"

Oops. Close, buddy. So close.

-Robin

Open, domestic adoption

2009-08-02T05:44:00.001-05:00

We got great value out of the classes we took ahead of T's adoption. We learned a lot.

One of the things we learned a lot about is open, domestic adoption.

On This American Life this week, they focused on the complex human experience of (mis)judging others. One of the people they talked to was a birth mother going through the process of choosing a family for her child.

As the producer of the piece says, the women was having to judge parents on very little information, while at the same time having to deal with a great volume of information from the families as a whole.

We're often told not to pre-judge people, but birth mothers in open, domestic adoption are often in a position where they have to judge on little information...the parents of her own child, no less.

It's an interesting segment. You can listen to the full episode here. The segment starts at the 28:50 mark and lasts six minutes.

Give it a listen.

Kyle

The Second Wait

2009-07-21T09:18:00.004-05:00

I hate to admit it, but this wait for Critter #2 is currently ridiculously easy for me. I feel guilty saying that. Guilty about how Critter #2 would feel about that, and guilty about how hard it is for other waiting families. I know how hard it gets. The ache of waiting for T has softened in my mind, but I absolutely remember. I could make believe that our adoption of T has made me wise in knowing that Critter #2 will join our family when the time comes, and that worry and want in the meantime will do nothing but add unhelpful stress to our lives. But honestly, I think I'm not letting myself even acknowledge that we're actually waiting for a referral right now because the wait is so long that it would be excruciating to carry the level of angst we had last time for so many more months. Our time line to bring T home was fast and yet felt glacial. We expect to wait at least twice as long this time around. People ask me how the process is going for #2 and I'm honestly a bit surprised, like I've forgotten all about that little old dossier we threw together one weekend* for kicks. So here I am, (pretending not to be) waiting.

-Robin

*heavy sarcasm alert for friends outside the adoption world. "one weekend" = months of paperwork, notaries, appointments, photographs, phonecalls, letters, emails, applications, checklists, and evil courier services.

Growing quickly

2009-07-20T18:28:00.000-05:00

I don't need to tell you what everyone already knows...kids grow quickly. I've heard this from enough people in my life that my goal every day is to not take T's age for granted.

T's many advancements are tough to catalog, but I'll try. He's getting more articulate, he's an expert on his like-a-bike, he's pretty good around other kids, he still likes to steal and eat people's noses, he doesn't forget anything, he eats most food we serve him, he's graduated from a sippy cup (at the table, anyway), he can identify pics and music from Thailand, he knows he's from Thailand and now lives in Wisconsin, he picks up his toys when asked (most of the time), he loves books, he loves watching birds, he does role call everyday of all the people he knows, and I'm sure I could come up with a lot more if I spent the time thinking about it.

T's is a happy kid...and for that we are grateful. He's also a 2-year-old, which means he's a 2-year-old. If you ask him to not touch something, he will hold a finger 1 cm away from the forbidden object and stare at you waiting for a reaction. Typical attempts to test who's in control, I suspect.

We talk to T everyday about Thailand, what it was like there...his story...and what it will be like to go back to meet a new little brother or sister. I'm sure he's gotten a grasp on that last one yet.

People ask us about the second adoption, and there's not much to say. We're waiting....and expect to wait a lot longer. But we're ready if the call comes. We love reading about and meeting other families preparing to travel. It's so exciting.

We have a date to visit the Thai Consulate in Chicago. We're excited about spending the day in the city.

So, how's your summer?

-Kyle

Fathers

2009-07-01T14:01:00.000-05:00

I've got a year of fathering under my belt, and I have a few observations to share. I meant to post this around Father's Day, but you know how life gets sometimes.

Here we go:

--Fathering can be easy, but it shouldn't be. Like most things in life, experiences with the most value come with a lot of hard work. It means stepping away from what you want to be doing, to do what's best for your child. Often, the challenge isn't contending with the extra responsibilities...after all, it can be a lot of fun. The real burden is giving up a part of your own life for your child's sake. What you will learn is that spending time with your child is good for more than just your child.

--Most fathers I know are engaged with their children's lives. Some not as much. While this is distressing, I can see why it happens. As I said above, fathers can often get off easy, if they want to. I suppose many men see the benefits of spending time with their kids as less tangible than other ways to spend time. Many men, myself included, tend to work in easy equations...2+2=4. With kids, the benefits of spending time with them are emotional, dynamic and long term....extremely difficult math.

--Being a father gives me a new appreciation for my own father. I suppose I knew that was coming....life always works that way.

--I'm sad birth fathers, in many cases, don't hold the same place in the life of adopted children as their mothers do. Certainly there is little to be done about this, but I mourn the reality none-the-less.

I'm not trying to get down on dads. There are a lot of great ones out there...LOTS. I don't pretend to be one of them. Most days it's easier to find my faults than my successes.

I just want to make sure all dads are at least trying. If you're not, you don't know what you're missing.

-Kyle

Feeling better

2009-06-12T22:36:00.000-05:00

T seems to be back to his usual silly self these days. We're so glad. I've upped the amount I hold him and gone back to some of the attachment games we used to play. I'm also adding some new ones - I'm currently reading Parenting You Internationally Adopted Child, by Patty Cogen. I'm not finished with it yet, but so far it's my favorite book dealing with the subject of attachment. Cogen's writing style is easy to read and she gives really great explanations of how adoption can affect a child throughout different stages in their life, and relates these experiences to child development and brain development research. She illustrates some of the different responses children have to adoption by following 4 fictional children (composites of the many children she's worked with). She offers concrete activities to do at home to help foster a stronger connection with your child. I feel a bit like I have my very own therapist in a book. My only wish was that I'd read it before we brought T home.

One idea I have found particularly useful is her "3-picture story". A detailed life book is important, but also still not finished at our house. The 3-picture story, on the other hand, is really fast to create and very accessible for T to begin to understand and discuss the changes he's been through. On one page, we have photos of: T held by his birth mother, T in a group with his foster family and Kyle and I, and T with just Kyle and I. This page has everything we need to show him (1) he was born to his birth mother, (2) he went to live with his foster family, who then gave him to us (the middle picture should be the actual transition to his new family), and (3) we're his mom and dad and he can live with us until he's as old as grandma and grandpa (hopefully not literally, but you get the idea). Cogen goes into detail about how to discuss his story with him and what some of the common worries are for adopted children that they may not have the ability to ask yet.

I think it's safe to say we're all feeling a little better now. We ended up not doing anything to celebrate Family Day this last week. We weren't sure which day to pick (meeting him? taking custody? the board meeting? coming home?) and with his mood, we thought maybe celebrating when the adoption was final in Wisconsin (February) might be a better choice for us, at least this year, since it's not as coupled with his loses. I can't believe it's been a whole year. I'm so proud of my little man.

"Airplane, Thailand?"

Leaving Thailand, June 2008

IRL

2009-06-06T22:44:00.000-05:00

Through the last few years of blogging, we've made some internet friends who have adopted from Thailand. Usually, we don't have the chance to meet and become friends "in real life". But back when we were 1st starting the adoption process, Hannah and Sam were nice enough to meet with us and answer a bazillion questions (like, what goes in a diaper bag, anyway?) before we even got T's referral. Today we had the pleasure of hanging out with them AND a Holt family we already felt like we knew - Tracy and Joel. We're used to a one-(albeit rambunctious) kid house, so it was fun to watch all the kids run and play together. It was even more fun to chat with Tracy and Hannah over Chicago-style pizza. I wish that we all lived a bit closer. We're so grateful to Tracy and Joel and their lovely family for taking time in their vacation schedule to hang out with us! =)

And I have to give a shout-out for Tracy's awesome flip flops. Super comfy and way cuter than the (ahem) 15-year old pair I was wearing. (At what age am I supposed to get rid of the stuff I wore in high school?) Thanks, Tracy!

-Robin

But not every moment is a struggle

2009-06-04T20:48:00.003-05:00

Some T cuties so I can remind myself there's a happy boy in there, too...

(on waking)
"Hi Mama. Hi Punkin. Hi blanket. Hi knee."

Pointing to a train - "Potty Train!"

"T happy. Mama happy. Daddy happy. Angie happy. Kisa happy. Courtney happy. Grandma happy. Grandpa happy..."

Biological clock?

2009-06-04T20:47:00.000-05:00

I think T may have an internal calendar that is telling him he separated from his foster family, was placed with total strangers, and lost the whole world he knew about one year ago. I've read that this happens but was honestly a little skeptical. He's 2. Thailand has different seasons. He doesn't even understand tomorrow or next week. And yet, the last week has been a big ugly slide backwards for us.

I've noticed he has regressed to using a lot of baby talk. He's extra clingy, like he was maybe 9 months ago. He's on a hair trigger for tantrums. His tantrums are nonsensical:

T: Rock! (pointing at T-sized rocking chair)

Me: OK, you can sit on your rocking chair.

T: NO ROCK!! NO!!!

Me: That's fine. You don't have to rock. Let's go read a book.

T: ROCK!! WANT ROCK!!!! (sobbing)

Me: OK, it's right here. Let me help you sit on it.

T: NO. NO WANT ROCK!!! (throwing himself to the floor)

(on and on all day, over just ever subject you can imagine)

Nothing soothes him. He pushes me away when I try to hold him, which he hasn't done in a long time. His eating is finickier. He's sleeping more. He doesn't seem to be in any pain or getting teeth. All of his behaviors really make me think it's very attachment related. He's mostly charming when we have visitors.

So I'm sticking to my theory that his heart can feel it's been almost a year since the changes no little one should have to face.

-Robin

How we learned to pronounce our son's name correctly, part 2

2009-05-24T19:34:00.003-05:00

We thought we had this figured out back in January of last year. The Thai waitress at our favorite restaurant spent a lot of time helping us learn to say T's name correctly in Thai. (It's not pronounced as it appears.)

Today, we were lucky to be invited to the Thai American Association picnic. There is good news and bad news.

The good news: We had a blast and met a lot of really nice Thai families. We also ate our fill of amazing Thai food.

The bad news: Everyone we introduced T to pronounced his name differently than we do (but the same as each other). They all recognized the name and knew the meaning right away (some even shot an imaginary arrow from an invisible bow to demonstrate).

It is kind of embarrassing to have 20 people all correct the pronunciation of your kid's name. Although, in Thai fashion, everyone was extremely gracious and no one actually told us we were wrong. But it was clear. Our non-Thai friends heard it too.

I assume our waitress friend must have a different accent or dialect. In all honesty, our social worker in Thailand also used the alternate pronunciation, but at the time, I assumed *she* was the one with the different accent. We even listened to an online dictionary say his name in Thai about 50 times tonight. To my ear, the dictionary-voice is somewhere in the middle between the 2 pronunciations.

So now my only question is, how long will it take me to remember to say his name correctly? T is totally fine with the change - we used it once or twice and now he's already referring to himself with the new sound, as if to say, "what took you guys so long to get with the program?" (Although perhaps he's just confused, because our little comedian is also telling us his name is "Jim" and "Chicken", with a sly, satisfied smile on his face.)

In the long run, the new pronunciation will be easier for people, as it sounds a lot more like how it's spelled. I feel a little silly, but I'm glad to be able to make the correction when he's only two.

T is for Two

2009-05-16T19:43:00.009-05:00

Warning - picture-heavy post for the grandparents ahead.

We celebrated T's birthday today. We can't quite believe our little guy is two. Since he was still living with his foster family on his first birthday, today was extra special for us. I keep pinching myself at how lucky I feel that we adopted our amazing T. I am sure his birth mom was thinking of him today. I hope she knows how much he's loved.

Last night as T was being extra difficult, we realized that, due to the time difference between us and Thailand, he had actually hit the terrible 2's 12 hours early.

After hearing stories of what his birthday would entail, he woke this morning and the first words out of his mouth were a request to eat cake for breakfast. No dice there, but we did let him wear his shades during lunch, which, for some reason, he thought was the best. thing. ever.

A delicious Thai lunch was followed by an elephant-shaped chocolate banana cake. Unfortunately, T's enthusiasm for chocolate cake was overshadowed by his apparent fear of candles and the Happy Birthday song. After cake (and a much needed nap) the real fun began. The mailman brought him a package of cookies from Grandma Cookie.

He played with his spoils, including a play kitchen that I think may actually allow us to cook meals uninterrupted, and the coolest. non-bike. ever. My dad designed and made it in the space of a week (or two?). T has already managed to use it unassisted, and I think we're going to have to drag him off of it kicking and screaming once he grows another half inch. I wish *I* was the one turning two. What fun!

T is now taking orders for dinner. Call to make reservations.-Robin

Video fixed

2009-05-14T17:52:00.001-05:00

If you came by our blog Thursday afternoon and saw the video Robin posted, it was probably the wrong one. The right one is there now. My bad.

-Kyle

I must have a speck of dirt in my eye

2009-05-14T09:19:00.009-05:00

because my eyes are mysteriously tearing up. It couldn't have anything to do with the CatholicVote.org's new media campaign.

I am not Catholic (although many people in our family are). I disagree with many of the positions of the Catholic church. There was a lot of controversy over this group's previous ad that I don't want to touch with a ten foot pole on this blog. But the ad below is pretty darn cool. And me crying over a commercial? I'm my mother's daughter after all.

(oops, if you looked here Thursday afternoon, you probably saw the wrong video...Kyle's fault!)

-Robin

When Grandma Cookie's In Charge...

2009-05-11T09:12:00.006-05:00

...T's meals are a bit unorthodox. He doesn't seem to mind.

Ice cream for breakfast

Sharing the table with Punkin

Lunch in the windowsill

Mama Day

2009-05-10T23:27:00.005-05:00

Today was a special day for me, as we celebrated "Mama Day" (as T called it) for the first time since T joined our family. T's Nana, Bob-Wow, Auntie M, and Great Grandma all came over to join us for brunch. T enjoyed the many laps he could snuggle into for stories. It was a beautiful day and I am so thankful for my little boy. Kyle and I thought a lot about his birth mother with grateful hearts today. Her decision allowed us to have this amazing little boy in our lives. I can't think of words to describe what that means to me.

Attachment Update

2009-05-04T12:32:00.000-05:00

I'm often a little unsure exactly where T is, attachment-wise. What I do feel confident about is that his attachment continues to progress.

It used to be a struggle to get him to make eye contact with us. Now, he loves to look in my eyes and play with my face.
Not long ago, he wouldn't play on the kitchen floor for 1minute without begging for me to hold him. Now he'll play long enough for me to brew coffee (this is really more important for me, personally =) ).
For months, he wouldn't let me take a shower without sobbing on the floor the entire time. Now he'll happily grab a book and a toy to occupy himself while he waits for me.
Until recently, he wouldn't wait for me in the kitchen while I let the dog out in the morning. Now he runs to scoop out her breakfast while I let her out the back door.
The first time we left T with my parents for a few hours (at 6 months home?), he was anxious and didn't stop clinging to my dad the entire time we were gone. Last weekend, he happily enjoyed the park with them while we took a Thai cooking class.
Last summer, T had to be in the Ergo for me to hang diapers because he was too scared to play on the lawn. Now, well, see the photo above, with the Ergo lying on the lawn behind him.

He's clearly making big strides. I also think that his language development is helping with his attachment. He's at the point now where he can use words to clearly ask us to hold him, even to hold him "tight". He asks for the Ergo when we have our hands full and he wants to be near us. He asks for snuggles, and for lotion, and for hugs. On some level, he knows that he needs these things from us, and I'm glad he's asking.

When we're in public, though, I sometimes worry that he's "mommy shopping" (a behavior kids with multiple caregivers may exhibit, where they try to charm all potential caregivers in case they are left by their current caregiver). At storytime at the library, he clings to me for dear life. We've been going weekly for 4 months, and it still terrifies him. But after story time is over and we're back in the kids section of the library with fewer people, he seems very comfortable approaching strangers. He grabbed another mom's legs and looked up to yell "HI!" and then tried to continue the conversation (which for him, means repeated "HI!"s, of course) (while she looked at him funny and backed away). He eagerly worked puzzles with another mom (with me nearby, of course). His personality in these situations isn't any different than at home, I just don't know how common it is to be so out-going at his age.

One interesting bright spot, however, occurred recently when good friends stopped by to visit. It was their first time meeting T and he warmed up to them well. By the end of the visit, he was on our friend's lap, begging him to read story after story. They are expecting their first child (YAY!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!) and are considering an Ergo carrier but wanted to try one out "in action" to see how comfortable it is. We were happy to let them try ours with T, especially since he seemed to be totally comfortable with them. Our friend started to put the carrier on and T instantly broke down crying, begging him to take it off. He was not about to allow himself to be placed in that carrier with our friend. He would happily sit on his lap to be read to, but the Ergo was out of the question. I don't know if he thought they were going to take him, or if that was just too close for his comfort. I felt bad that my friends didn't get a chance to try the carrier with a chunky kid inside it. I also felt like it was probably a positive thing for T, attachment-wise, that he wasn't willing to be worn by someone new. It hadn't occurred to me until he was unwilling to do it, but then it made sense.

I don't ever expect to reach an "a-ha! he's totally attached!" moment with T. For us it's a very gradual process that is so much easier to see in retrospect. I am, however, encouraged that we seem to keep moving in the right direction.

(I also expect to make up for my infrequency of blogging by the length of the posts I write. Sorry about that.)

-Robin

Co-sleeping no more

2009-04-24T07:58:00.005-05:00

I think the person who is having the hardest time adjusting to T sleeping in his own bed is me. And that, I suppose, means that co-sleeping has served him well and he's ready to learn to sleep on his own.

I work 2nd shift. For the last week I've arrived home to find T dreaming away in his toddler bed, Kyle passed out in a sleeping bag on the floor beside him, and Punkin curled up at Kyle's feet. My whole little family, snuggled in a space with no room for me. So I kiss them lightly, trudge across the hall, and have an entire bed to myself. This should be a treat after 10 months of the 4 of us battling for real estate all night. Instead, it's just lonely.

I truly expected a lot more resistance from T with this transition. He falls asleep with no fuss. Kyle has even left him alone the few times that he (Kyle) wakes up enough to move back to our room. T sometimes wakes to cry, but only once a night. Then one of us goes to lay next to his bed, and he settles back down fairly fast.
In the morning he cries for me, but is starting to learn to call "Down, Mama?" and be invited to pitter patter across the hall to join me for snuggles. Thank goodness I don't have to give those up yet! I know that parenting is one long, drawn-out letting go, but I didn't think it would start so soon! Where did our little baby go?

-Robin

Transracial parenting

2009-04-22T07:52:00.006-05:00

In an exercise with our social worker before we brought T home, we used colored beads to represent people of different races. We each filled a cup with beads to create a visual picture of the diversity of people we interact with on a regular basis. My cup absolutely stinks. I knew my world "wasn't very" diverse. Looking at my cup was a huge wake-up for me that my world is not diverse at all.

My embarrassingly pathetic cup:

White beads for my family
White beads for my co-workers
White beads for my friends (at least the ones who live close enough to hang out with)
White beads for my doctor and dentist
White beads for our neighbors
White beads for the kids at library story time
White beads for most of the teachers in our schools
White beads for the people at the churches we visit as we try to find the right fit for us
A few beads of different colors for people we see while out running errands, but really, mostly white ones
A few green beads for adopted kids of friends of ours
A green bead for T

This makes me so sad for T. Our school district is 1.8% Asian, so he would be the token Asian kid in his grade.

I've been reading a lot of adoptee blogs and In Their Own Voices, a book of interviews with transracial adoptees. It makes complete sense to me that the adoptees that seem to have the best self esteem and sense of identity are the ones who grew up in diverse communities so they could learn what it means to be African American/Asian/Latino from peers and mentors when they reach adolescence and start wondering about their identity and how they fit in.

What I'm doing about it: not enough. T will have the benefit or burden of growing up with the opportunities (or lack thereof) that we provide for him. I'm hoping that stating that publically will help me hold myself accountable for more action, because Thai art on our walls, kids books about diversity on T's shelf, and international music playing on our stero is not a substitute for T knowing people who look like him.
I have tried to find a non-white doctor and dentist for myself and T. I haven't had success in my area yet. (Nearby friends - help me out if you know anyone.)
We connected with a wonderful Thai woman who said she can introduce us to some Thai families with kiddos. We can't wait!
We're seriously discussing moving to a more diverse city when T is older.
It's a responsibility that feels daunting but it's absolutely our responsibility. And if we can overcome our shyness (Kyle and I would not exactly rate at the top of the Outgoing scale) and make some connections with Thai families, the rewards for all of us would be great.

Here's an excellent Transracial Parenting Resource Manual from the Iowa Foster and Adoptive Parents Association.

-Robin

sa-wa DEE Krab

2009-04-21T18:37:00.003-05:00

T taking a shot at saying "hello" in Thai. Forgive the noise from the ice cream maker in the background.

Wisconsinite

2009-04-13T16:23:00.001-05:00

T uttered his first full sentence today...and at the same time met the final requirement for Wisconsin citizenship.

He said, "I want cheese".

We're not even football fans.

Now he looks at this photo and says "cheese-head!"

Extraordinary days

2009-04-11T21:20:00.001-05:00

It's been an interesting day....a day that takes me back over all that's happened over the last year.

I spent part of the day looking through the book we published with all of our blogs and your comments from our trip to Thailand. It's on our bookshelf, but I don't look at it often. The trip wasn't all that long ago, but then, it seems like T has always been with us.

The blogs took me back to some magical days in an magical country.

The experience of going back reminds me of something I learned about in college in a course I took about remembering tragedy (just follow me for a moment...)

When extraordinary things happen in your life, time changes. It moves differently. It doesn't have to be a tragedy...it can be something positive. It just has to be something extraordinary. I believe this change in the motion of time helps preserve your memories and emotions. Reading that book today prompted a return of all of those vivid feelings and images.

I didn't realize it at the time, but those extraordinary days made time move differently for me.

Since then, I've been busy being a father. A large part of life is now a routine...masking the extraordinary events that made it all possible. How do you keep the extraordinary part of the everyday? By definition, you can't...you can only do your best to remember...as much and as often as you can.

On a lighter note, there was another connection between today and the events of last year. Shortly before we departed for Thailand, our friends and family threw a party marking T's first birthday. Of course, he wasn't here to enjoy it, but there was cake leftover...living in a freezer...until today.

It was remarkably tasty, considering how long it was in the freezer.

T liked it.

It's fun to remember extraordinary days...

...and there are more extraordinary days to come.

-Kyle

**Oops...I've been told that this blog would make it seem that T just celebrated a birthday. Sorry for the confusion...it's next month :)

Adoption on talk radio

2009-04-07T14:39:00.002-05:00

NPR's Talk of the Nation discussed international adoption today. Listen here.

An official from Holt International was one of the guests.

Some of the highlights:

--I was grateful one of the guests made a point of distinguishing between philanthropy and wanting to create a family.

--One important point made was adoptive families should look for countries that have an established and ethical program.

--There was also great emphasis on how international adoption means you become an interracial family, meaning families have to be willing (or, in many cases, excited) to adopt a culture. With that, there was discussion of how much loss these children go through. It's something that's not talked a lot about outside of adoption circles, so I'm glad to hear it aired.

--There was inevitable discussion about domestic v. international adoption.

--They talked about the benefits of open adoption (or, in the case of international adoption, reunification). Yay!

In many ways, this show validated much of what we believe about international adoption. I'm just glad to hear a responsible and in-depth discussion about international adoption in a national forum.

-Kyle

Pictures of Thailand can make him sad

2009-04-03T23:02:00.001-05:00

We have framed pics of T's mother and foster family were he sees them every day. He can identify them, and acts excited to point to the people in the pictures. We discuss his adoption with him often although at his age (2 in May), I don't think he really gets much of it at all.

What is sad is when we show him additional pictures (the ones he doesn't see every day) he can get visibly upset. I was giving a talk about our trip to Thailand and I practiced the presentation at dinner one night for Kyle. T was there and saw the power point slides, which included many pictures of his foster family's home / yard, and additional pictures of his foster family. He started to get sad, and we told him it was OK if he missed them. He also started to focus on Mo (our Thai social worker - one of the sweetest women on the planet!). He kept saying "Mo cry! Mo cry!". Mo is, indeed, an emotional person. We saw her with watery eyes more than once, so, although she isn't crying in the photographs, I am not totally surprised he remembers her sadness during the bittersweet time he spent with her.

The night after seeing these pictures, his sleeping was abnormally fitful. He woke with really agitated crying more than once, and required me to hold him to fall back asleep. (Abnormal for him.) The next several days, he kept telling us "Mo cry," which made him really unhappy (bless his empathetic little heart).

I am not surprised at his reaction or behavior, just unsure of how to help him. I wonder - does seeing pictures help him process his grief? Does it do more harm than good at this point? Should we try to show him pictures less often? Or more often so it's not as much of a shock to him? Would showing them more often be more traumatizing? Would showing them less until he's a bit older and can understand be helpful?

Oh yes, and a Lifebook for T is half-completed. My goal is to have it finished for his birthday. That'll have a lot of pics of his foster family also. Perhaps it will help to hear us tell his story while he see's the pictures?

Do any adoptive parents out there have a similar experience? Thoughts?

-Robin

Short-sleeve weather

2009-03-17T15:48:00.000-05:00

Long Live the King!

An end of the waiting for the waiting to begin

2009-03-03T17:13:00.000-06:00

The dossier is in the mail. For now, we're done with all the paperwork. The waiting officially begins today.

The feeling is just as refreshing as it was the first time.

T got Condi's "signature" on his State Department document. His sibling will have Hillary's. That might make for some interesting conversations in the future.

Of course, this process does not go perfectly smooth. There's always something. This time, the hang up came from an unexpected source - our courier service.

We hired the same courier we did last time for taking the dossier around D.C. to get certifications from the State Department and Thai Embassy. It was taking much longer than it did with T's dossier, so Kyle gave them a call last Friday to check on it. The courier stated that the documents were approved by the Thai embassy that day, but he could not send them back to us because we never sent him a Fed Ex shipping label.

Believe us, we know the shipping label was there. We have never been more careful preparing a shipment in our lives.

This small dispute escalated into a less-than-polite conversation between Robin and the courier in question. He was rude and arrogant and the least helpful customer service person we've ever dealt with. Here's a sample of the (long) horrid conversation on Friday afternoon:

Robin: If the return shipping label was missing, why didn't you call us 2 weeks ago when you got our package so there wouldn't be a delay once the documents were certified?
Curmudgeonly Dude Supreme - Behaving Terribly (CDS - BT * ): I guess I'm not very efficient.
Robin: But that's what we're paying you for.
CDS - BT: Not very much, you're not.
Robin: What's your email address? I'll email you a new label.
CDS - BT: I'm not giving you my email address. You do it my way or you don't get your documents.
Robin: But you just have to print out the label on a piece of paper and stick it in an envelope.
CDS - BT: Yeah, I don't want to deal with that. Mail me the shipping label AND envelope, or pay me $60 to send it back on our account.
Robin: But the FedEx shipping supplies are FREE. I can even arrange to have FedEx drop some off for you.
CDS - BT: No. I told you, I don't feel like dealing with that.
Robin: I want to talk to your supervisor.
CDS - BT: I don't have one.
Robin: What is your supervisor's name?
CDS - BT: I am my own supervisor.
-click- (HE HUNG UP!)
And yes, he really said those horrid things. And more, actually, but for Robin's sanity, she has blocked most of it out already.

Robin steadfastly refused to give in. Kyle was a coward and just wanted our dossier back. Kyle is glad Robin stuck to her guns because on Monday, cooler heads prevailed and CDS - BT's supervisor (what do you know?) was happy to take our FedEx account number to HAND WRITE a shipping label and overnight the dossier back to us. (Is it just us, or is that more work than printing a label from email?) It arrived this afternoon.

We looked at the approval dates on the dossier...the last document was approved Feb 23rd. The courier lied and said the docs weren't approved until February 27th (conveniently, the day we called to check on them). If we hadn't called, who know how long he'd have sat on them.

(insert impolite expletive here).

Water under the bridge? Kyle is better at letting this one go than Robin is. (An apology from CDS-BT's supervisor would have gone a long way, but his only response was "I think everyone was focused on the wrong thing." Hmmm...maybe one person was. We just wanted our documents back.) At least the dossier for T's little brother or sister is now off to Thailand, which is obviously what's really important. It will be a long wait, but we're excited. The way time passes with T in the house, I suspect we'll be in Thailand before we know it :)

-Kyle and Robin

* What? CDS - BT is also an acronym for Central Delivery Service - Bill Taggert? You don't say.

Finalized

2009-02-17T14:47:00.001-06:00

Today's the day we've been waiting for. T's adoption was finalized. It was as easy a process as we expected. It started with a wait, because the court was running behind schedule. But as you can see, we kept ourselves entertained. Robin's family came for the occasion.

The judge asked us a few questions about how T has been since we arrived home and making sure we knew "what we were getting ourselves into". T made the case for us by desperately trying to explore the courtroom while the judge was asking us questions.

After signing a paper and writing a check for his new birth certificates, we were on our way.

We celebrated with a visit to a local Thai restaurant for lunch and sticky rice at home. T also had a few gifts to open.

I'm grateful we didn't hire an attorney for this process. This is possibly the most simple step of this entire adoption. We had been quoted a price of $1900 from one attorney for assisting us. Yikes.

For being THE moment that makes all of this official, it's amazing how anti-climatic it is.

You may have noticed the blog is now open for public viewing. We hope to keep it this way. Go ahead and subscribe with your favorite RSS reader.

With the adoption stuff subsiding somewhat, feel free to pop on over to Punkin's blog. She'll be covering our goings-on beyond adoption issues.

-Kyle

I remember being here before

2009-02-12T11:34:00.022-06:00

I can't say that going through the adoption process could ever be called routine, but I have to admit, going through the hoops I went through today were much easier the second time around...or at least, less stressful.

Today I spent the morning running around: Getting some final papers we've been waiting on from our social worker, spending some time with a talkative gentleman at a local copy store, making copies of our dossier, getting the dossier certified by the Secretary of State for Wisconsin, going to a different copy store to copy the state certificate, and promptly FedExing the whole pile of papers to Washington D.C. There they will hopefully get the blessings needed to be sent to Thailand. By this time next week, the dossier may very well be in the mail.

Today's exercise was nearly identical to the one I did two years ago to get T's adoption dossier finalized. I was still daunted by the checklist Robin provided me...making sure it got done right...but having done it before, I had some more confidence.

It's funny how getting all the paperwork together always seem so daunting, but only in hindsight do you realize it really isn't all that bad.

-Kyle

Many thanks

2009-02-07T21:06:00.004-06:00

Thanks so much for all the comments of support and understanding. I struggled with whether or not to write my last post, but I am glad I did.

We're grateful for everyone's support throughout the entire last year, actually. We recently made a book using the blog posts from our trip to Thailand, including all the wonderful comments you shared with us along the way. While putting the book together, I was moved by all the encouragement we received, and I remember well how much that support meant to us while we were on the emotional roller coaster that was last June.

We're making this blog public again, now that T will be officially here to stay (as of next Tuesday). When we began this blog, one of our purposes was to share our story with other adoptive families. We're happy to be public again, and this time around, we'll be smarter and leave out Critter #2's pictures and name.

-Robin

Bittersweet papers

2009-01-25T21:38:00.003-06:00

We've already sort of announced (to family and on Facebook) that we're starting the adoption process to adopt Critter #2 from Thailand. We've even started mentioning it in sidebar information on this blog. But I haven't brought myself to blog about it yet.

I'm excited that our paperwork is nearly completed (this week we hope to send our dossier for state certification and then authentication at the Thai Embassy). If all goes well, our dossier could even be on it's way to Thailand by the time T's adoption is finalized. I'm excited by the chance to add a critter to our family. I would love to have another child to snuggle and read to and dance with and teach things to. I can also see T's enthusiasm in all he does increase when there are more people around. I get the feeling he is a BIG FAMILY kind of kid. I would love him to have a sibling to tear around the house with. An added bonus - if Grandma's baking remains constant, the number of cookies they each receive would be cut in half from current levels! =)

But a big part of me feels sad about the stack of official papers on my dining room table. The current wait to receive a referral from our agency is really long. Really, really long. I'm fine with the wait. I am lucky this time around to have T to keep me busy. What makes me sad is the thought that, with the wait so long, it is extremely likely (almost certain) that our child has not yet been conceived. I feel like some kind of reverse time traveler who knows that an event will bring someone pain but am powerless to stop it. (And if I could stop it, I would cause my future child never to exist or at least to never know me, which makes me feel not only sad but also guilty for feeling sad.)

If only I knew who this birthmother was going to be. If I could somehow provide her with some kind of assistance, something, perhaps she could avoid an unplanned pregnancy or make arrangements to be able to parent her child. Obviously I can't see the future, and I can't change the circumstances of the (unfortunately) many women in the world who will decide they are unable to parent to their children. But nonetheless I feel a little sad getting in line for a child that doesn't yet exist.

I look at the picture of T's birthmom every day. I often wish I could share the funny things T says and does with her. That she could see how fast he's growing into a little boy she can be very proud of. That she knows how lucky we feel that he's part of our family. I love T with all my heart, and I cannot imagine my life without him as much as I cannot imagine her life without him.

-Robin

Mr. T the flirt

2009-01-25T21:04:00.003-06:00

We met friends for dinner at our local Thai restaurant tonight. We were happy to see our favorite waitress who we haven't seen in about 10 months.

At our referral-celebration dinner, she taught us how to pronounce T's name correctly. At that time, she was so excited to hear about his adoption and asked a lot of questions. She said a lot of families bring in kids adopted from Asia, but never from Thailand. On subsequent visits, she always recognized us and asked if we had heard when we'd be traveling to Thailand to meet him. Once we were back home with T, we didn't see her again until tonight.

She recognized us even though it's been many (MANY!) months and was just gushing over T the entire time. She wanted to touch him and hold him. He wanted NOTHING to do with this initially. He wouldn't even look at her and was shooting me "Help me, Mama!" looks while trying to climb out of his booster chair into my lap. She spoke in Thai to him and was trying to teach him simple words (including, sadly, the word for water, which he once knew but has already been replaced with English). She brought out some baby spring rolls for him to eat.

By the end of the meal, however, he was flashing her his grin across the room. She asked again to hold him and he raised his arms to her. Before we could blink, she was on her way into the kitchen with him to introduce him to the cook! We thought we'd hear screaming or see his little head turning frantically to see us. Oh no. He adored the attention. After making his way back to us, he asked to go to the kitchen again. This time she coaxed him to walk next to her. By the time we left, he was giving her hugs and kisses. Sigh. We are going to have our hands SO FULL when he's a teenager! On the very positive side, we may have made a friend (and found a babysitter!).

-Robin

Court date

2009-01-21T16:35:00.002-06:00

In less than a month, we will be finalizing T's adoption. The court date is exciting news we've been waiting to get for a few days. At this point, it's hard to even consider the fact that he's, legally, not yet part of our family. We can't wait.

At home, T has expanded his talking to singing. It's especially cute when he sings about the people's whose name he knows. After enjoying a couple of songs, I've now seen the light and have a recorder at the ready for his next debut.

Robin and I are getting the bug for learning some Thai. I know what you're thinking..."why now...you're home!" Well, with all the English T is learning, we're thinking it would be nice for him to also know some Thai. It's been fun to talk to him about Thailand...although I'm sure he's only beginning to understand what we're talking about.

The cold and snow this winter has us all getting a case of cabin fever...although T and I get outside sometimes. Last weekend I figured out how I can get back into cardiovascular exercise without inventing a way to keep T happy while I'm on my bike....pull him around the yard in his sled. It's a GREAT workout for me, and he loves the ride. I should have thought of that sooner.

Lest there be any doubt that my boy is growing, compare this picture from June and another from last week.

Time flies when you're having fun.

-Kyle

Holiday wrap up

2009-01-09T11:44:00.010-06:00

Holiday seasons are always busy, so I'll skip telling you how busy ours was. Naturally, it was different having T with us this year...and wonderful. Robin and I have spent many hours remembering what Christmas was like when we were kids and experiencing the other side of it as parents. It was great.

We woke Christmas morning with a tradition from Robin's family where we opened stockings first.

Robin's parents arrived for breakfast and opened presents with us.

T figured out quickly the fastest way to open presents (start on the end).

Robin and I were excited to give him one of the books we bought in Bangkok.

T got these homemade blocks from Grandad and Nana. Awesome.

Later that day, we were off to visit my mom to do Christmas with her the next morning.

One of the fun activities there was putting on a parade.

A week later, my father and stepmother came to open presents for a 3rd and final time...at our place.

Grandpa had been waiting a long time to give this train to T. It was a hit...he's a little too young to do much with it, but under supervision, he loves playing with it.

I'd call it a success. He was sad to see the tree go. We're not sure how much of the Santa stuff he understands. He called Santa "toy", and always pointed to the ceiling when talking about him.

A gift Robin and I made for ourselves this year was a book of our blog from our journey to Thailand. There's just something about reading it in print that makes it special. We were happy with how it turned out.

Now, with all the decorations put away, we get back to normal life. We're looking forward to the new year and more opportunities to meet and spend time with friends and family.

-Kyle

Demolition

2009-01-05T18:50:00.004-06:00

Thai sports analysis

2008-12-22T12:44:00.001-06:00

I can't help love the Onion, even when they get a offensive. In this case, from my point of view, they're making fun of 1) how different sports in other countries are and 2) how ridiculous our sports media are sometimes.

I can't decide if I like that they're picking on a Thai sport. Is any publicity good publicity?

I can't figure out how much of the verbiage is real Thai and how much of it is made-up Thai-sounding sports terms.

It's good for a laugh, anyway.

Ngyuen Thi Buch Thuy: 'Just Give Me The Damn Sepak Takraw Ball'

-Kyle

Winter adventures

2008-12-21T05:09:00.004-06:00

After all the snow we've had, the family finally took the time to head out to a nearby sledding hill. Knowing T's pension for daring, I figured the trip would be a success. It was.

It's an easy life being a 19-month-old sledding...you get all the fun without any of the work.

We also went out to a local light display at a public garden. They have lights all over, which are quite beautiful in the newly-fallen snow. In fact, it was snowing while we were there. There is also an indoor area where they have music and a huge model train display with trains running everywhere.

While he liked the lights and the train, what T came away with was "ducks". There is a pond in the gardens and a ton of ducks there. He enjoyed watching them swim and walk around on the ice. "Ducks" are all he talked about.

Robin and I had fun too. We reminded ourselves of all the times last Christmas we mentioned and thought about what it'd like to have him with us this year. We can't believe he's actually with us.

It reminds us of how lucky we are.

-Kyle

Smart kid

2008-12-17T10:58:00.003-06:00

Robin: "T, can you say Grandma?"

T (nodding yes): "Cookies!"

Holiday greetings

2008-12-16T12:31:00.001-06:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Holiday greetings to everyone in blog land...

..From Kyle, Robin, T, and T's great grandmothers.

Tree?

2008-12-13T06:49:00.001-06:00

To someone like T, having a tree in the house doesn't make much sense, but cutting it down, bringing it home, and decorating it is a ton of fun!

Watering the tree, like mama and daddy

-Kyle

A wedding

2008-12-07T06:33:00.003-06:00

Here are some pictures from T's first wedding. It was a wedding for my cousin Tom...one of many weddings to come in the next 12 months.

T had fun, as you will see. So did his grandfather and other extended family.

It was a long day, which ended with a meltdown. I suppose I could have predicted that. There was a lot of time spent in the car...mix that with a lot of new people and it's bound to happen.

But he was a trooper and clearly had fun. I think he will like weddings.

As you can see, he also got his first real taste of Christmas (perhaps the home decorations will come out today). He seems to like the idea...like any kid would.

-Kyle

Hide the scissors

2008-12-05T11:19:00.005-06:00

For quite awhile now, one of the first things people ask when meeting T is, "Has he had a haircut yet?" The translation to this is: "For the love of all that is good, cut that poor kid's hair already!"

Today I was struck with a moment of insanity and decided to cut it myself. I don't know what I was thinking. No, that's a lie - I do know what I was thinking. I'm cheap. I was thinking I'd save $15. But I also don't know how to cut hair. Especially squirmy little boy hair. Especially perfectly straight hair.

I did not just trim the ends. I. Cut. Lots. Of. Hair.
T had a lot of hair, and he's pretty young, so it stands to reason that his hair grows quickly and the hair I removed should return soon. Let's all hope so.

I'm fairly sure the first thing people will say to us now is: "So, he just got a haircut, huh?"
T's favorite word today sums up the experience: "Uh oh."
-Robin

Win Free Puppets!

2008-12-04T00:19:00.005-06:00

Now for a break in our regularly scheduled blogging for a note from our sponsors (well, me, actually):

My sister and I finally made the shadow puppet set I've been wanting since we started our mini business - Thai Legends. Visit our website and leave a comment - we're choosing someone at random to send a free set to. Or buy a set at our store on Etsy. They're really fun to play with - I can't wait for T to be old enough!

Because I love all my friends who read and comment here, mention "Thai Adoption" in the comments section of your Etsy order and we'll refund 10% of any order from our shop.

Thank you for your attention, and we now return to life with T. Today - part 2 of the flu shot was not fun! T has too good of a memory and started signing "all done" when we pulled in to the parking lot of the doctor's office. The crying soon followed. Luckily, he was eventually distractable with stickers.

-Robin

Selective memory

2008-11-30T06:36:00.009-06:00

I suppose this is meant as a bit of a survey of our audience.

We had an awful flight home. You can go back and read about it if you like.

But Robin and I still find ourselves constantly talking about going back to Thailand.

I looked up the airfares last week, and was pleased at how favorable the rates are.

Let's ignore the current turmoil in Thailand and the fact that T doesn't have a U.S. passport...

...why are we so excited about going back? The flights were difficult...even without a child. With a child, I can't even recall the flight because I know it was awful.

So, we're thinking that there is some natural mechanism that shields our memory from the trauma of the flight.

Perhaps the same thing mothers experience to keep them having children...even after the experience of child birth? A sort of natural amnesia?

Can anyone else testify?

We WILL go back...it's only a matter of time. We LOVE Thailand and no flight, no matter how awful, will keep us away.

While I'm typing, I might as well tell you that the family had a wonderful Thanksgiving with Robin's family. T did great sleeping in a new place. Over the three nights it got progressively better.

He was a charmer all weekend with various family and friends. We're feeling good about his progress. He clearly loves to work a room, but always knows where mama and daddy are.

He and I have this fun game where he yells "DAD!" and I yell "T!"...back and forth. I'm sure it's quite a nuisance for anyone who happens to be around, but it's fun.

He's picking up more words...or, at least the beginnings of words. Sometimes Robin and I have to consult on what he might be saying.

At his doctor visit last week we found he is almost 30 pounds already! Perhaps it's because he asks for "cheese" at nearly every meal. He also knows the word for "pie" now.

T is starting to understand enough commands that he can choose to ignore them. Recently he started picking up his books and putting them on the table when we asked him to. Now he's already pretending like he can't hear or understand us :)

T is tweeting again. You can keep track on the side of the blog. He's tried this in the past only to have it fizzle out...so we'll see how long it lasts.

All of us are sending our thoughts to those in Thailand or traveling soon. We hope for a quick resolution to the situation there.

We hope you had a great Thanksgiving.

-Kyle

1st snow

2008-11-24T09:54:00.006-06:00

T noticed the snow on the ground right away this morning and repeatedly yelled "Snow! Snow!" while waving his arms at the window. (Well, he yelled his attempt at the word anyway. I understood him but I'm studying Thanese pretty hard these days.)

I decided there was enough on the ground that I should shovel the sidewalk so I bundled him up in snow pants and boots with mittens and a hat - the works. He could barely walk but didn't seem to mind as the new clothes were a novelty.

He loved the snow. It's wet and sticky and made little snowballs in front of his boots with each step. He only cried when it was time to come back inside because his boot came off and his sock was soaked. He would have preferred to stay out and play, but I'm thinking today's not a good day to get frost bite since he's got his 18 month (!) checkup this afternoon.

It looks like T will be enjoying the Wisconsin winter. I hope we get (almost) as much snow as last year.

Thanks for the jacket and snow-pants, Grandma and Grandpa!

-Robin

Under the table

2008-11-22T18:40:00.005-06:00

You've all seen pictures of what T looks like when he's eating...and dressing himself in his food. We thought we'd give you a look at what's going on under the table when he's eating.

-Kyle

New play set

2008-11-14T15:52:00.003-06:00

Mommy's shoes

2008-11-12T16:59:00.003-06:00

Halloween

2008-11-03T13:12:00.002-06:00

T did a great job on his first Halloween. He was THRILLED to see our neighbors giving him "toys" (we didn't tell him it was candy, but I'm sure he'll figure it out when he see others eating "toys").

Being a pumpkin was confusing. He already thinks pumpkins are dogs since our dog is "Punkin".

When we got back to hand out some candy, he sat on the steps with us and enjoyed greeting the trick-or-treaters.

It was a great time.

-Kyle

More words

2008-10-30T16:54:00.006-05:00

T is picking up words quickly, and understands TONS more. You'll see this in the video. One of the quirky things I stumbled across this week is that he says "Thai". Of course, he has no idea what this means, he's just mimicking me, but it's still cute.

He and I went to the park today with Punkin. It was a blast. T did a lot of running around and actually walked back to the house most of the way (instead of riding in the Ergo). We encountered a train on the way, which was terrifying up close, but he got the engineer to wave. It was a BEAUTIFUL day. I LOVE FALL!

T recently started nodding. It's amusing because it's clearly a lot of work for him to concentrate enough to do it.

As I write, he blowing on his supper, because it's hot.

His laugh is amazing.

We're grateful we taught him a few signs. None of us know sign language...at all, but I can't imagine being able to communicate without it. I would really recommend it for any parent. You don't need to learn a lot. Some examples of what we use: more, ouch, food, all done, fish, diaper. Some of these aren't official "signs", just stuff we made up. It doesn't matter...he picks it up so quickly...much faster than he can verbalize.

He still hasn't gotten a haircut, but the longer hair is growing on us. (ha ha, no pun intended) He'll get a trim from Grandma this weekend.

I'm constantly amazed by how fast he's growing and learning. I'm trying to strike a balance between being excited about him growing up, and not wanting to forget a second of his youth.

One more thing...NPR had a story this week that does a good job of explaining the political situation in Thailand. It's a great overview, if you're interested.

-Kyle

Busy fall weekend

2008-10-19T12:44:00.002-05:00

It started with T's first bed time in footy pajamas...winter is coming!

Then we went to the zoo on Saturday with some of Robin's friends from work and some of Brienne's (Clint's fiance) family. T got out of the Ergo to do some exploring on his own.

They returned home, where T took an interest in Kyle's dish washing.

Finally, we found out T is turning into a great picker-upper. Anything that gets left on the floor now finds itself in his toy cabinets.

-Kyle

Rite of Fall

2008-10-13T14:23:00.003-05:00

Winter doesn't come to Wisconsin until everyone has visited a pumpkin patch and gone on a hay ride. If it begins snowing in the next week, you have us to blame.

Magical moments

2008-10-09T15:58:00.002-05:00

Between the routines of life, there are occasionally moments when you're reminded of how special life is, and how lucky we are to be parents.

I don't want to talk about the specifics...both because I don't think I could articulate the moment and because it's something private...but last night, I had some special moments with T. I was his daddy, he was my son, and we were happy.

Robin and T were at the office for a little bit this week, and someone there met him for the first time. His remark was that we were pretty lucky. We couldn't agree more.

I've known it as a husband, and now I know it as a father...love is real.

-Kyle

Breaking a bad habit

2008-09-29T14:29:00.003-05:00

It's tough to break out of a non-blogging habit. Once you get behind, you feel worse and worse about trying to catch up.

I'm discarding my guilt and moving on.

There are dozens of items and issues I've come across in the past months that I would have loved to blog about. Let's see if I can do this in bullet form:

--T is growing...fast. He's also running...fast. He's picking up the language and how mimicking us, but still using some of his hand signs.

--T is a great eater...still eating most everything we give him.

--He sleeps through the night, but might be transitioning to being a one-nap-a-day boy.

--He's cute.

--We get a few of the awkward questions all adoptive families get, ("How much did he cost?" "He's gonna be smart!") but being prepared for them helps a lot.

--T doesn't seem interested in blankets, despite the change of season. We're dressing him warmly for bed as a result. Since he lives in Wisconsin, I'm certain he will learn to love his sheets.

--Given a room full of toys and books, his choice will be to play with the electrical outlet, but I suspect that's normal for children his age.

--The TV remains off...and I think we're all enjoying it. Have so little time in my day now, I'm not sure how I ever had time for TV before (although, I'll have to make some now that the Brewers are in the playoffs). Some people think what we're doing is strange.

--Politics in Thailand appear much more stable again. Great news for waiting families. Enjoy your trip, and know that we're wishing we were in Thailand too!

--I love being a parent. I could go on and on, but this leads me to my next point...

--Most of the time I think of myself as a parent...and only occasionally do remember that I'm an adoptive parent. I don't want to forget that I'm an adoptive parent, but I also don't want that to become the focus of our lives. It's a balance all adoptive families have to strike.

We're happy to hear from our readers. Don't be shy...just because we aren't blogging a lot doesn't mean we can't or won't answer. We know there are a lot of waiting families out there and we're happy to help in any way we can.

-Kyle

Thai Fest 2008

2008-09-14T20:17:00.001-05:00

Woo Hoo for Thai Fest!!

The weather was dicey in the beginning, but the rain stopped, the food was delicious, the dancers were talented, and the friends were fabulous! Nanna, Autie M and Uncle Ewan came out, too, and enjoyed feeding T his lunch. (Or wait - maybe that's me that enjoyed the little break from attempting to feed a squirming critter pad thai on my lap...)

T's favorite thing about the event was the naga (snake) sculpture in the garden.

We enjoyed catching up with our Thai-adoption friends, and meeting great new ones, too.

-Robin

Guest Blogger: T shows off his new toy

2008-09-07T19:52:00.005-05:00

Mom and Dad are too tired to blog tonight - I've been up since 4:30 this morning with no decent nap to speak of. (I just decided, why sleep?)

I can't really type well, so I just want to share a few photos from a discovery I made yesterday.

Hey look at this thing! Did you know it was here?

If only mom would dress me in pants that fit. It's hard to push this thing around while I'm tripping on my clothes.

Whew. Got it moving. You wanted me to move it, right?

What's it do, anyway?

-T

BKK protests

2008-09-02T14:27:00.001-05:00

If you haven't heard, things aren't going so well in Bangkok. Protests over the prime minister have led to a state of emergency and workers are threatening to shut down public services (like electricity and air service) until the prime minister steps down.

Needless to say, this could have an affect on adoptions. Our thoughts are with families who are there or traveling soon and the children waiting for them. We hope for a speedy and complete resolution.

If you want more details, you can always read more at the Bangkok Post.

-Kyle

Water baby

2008-09-01T18:29:00.006-05:00

T loves Lake Michigan. He was initially unhappy about the coldness of the water, and the waves made him uneasy. But by the end of the morning, he didn't notice his diaper was full of sand, and he was trying to dunk his face in the breaking waves. He even let Daddy bury half of his body in sand. He did NOT love the kayak, however. Not even while sitting in Mommy's lap. We'll try that again another day.

A piece of Thailand falls away

2008-08-30T06:26:00.001-05:00

Robin and I knew T's little cloth bracelets on his wrists would fall off eventually, but now that it's happened, it's kind of sad.

T got the bracelets while visiting monks with his foster family the day before we took custody. They were meant as protection for him. He had one on each wrist. He still wears one, but one of them fell off sometime during supper last night.

I'm grateful I noticed. Our worst fear was that they would fall off when we weren't paying attention and we'd lose them. Of course, we could still lose the other one.

We will do our best to remind T of his life-long connection to Thailand, but in so many ways, there's only so much we can do.

-Kyle

Long sleeves?

2008-08-25T08:30:00.006-05:00

I think T may have never encountered long sleeves before. It was chilly this morning so I slipped a long sleeve shirt on him before breakfast. He looked at his clothed wrists and tried to keep pushing his arm through the sleeve, thinking it wasn't on all the way yet. He was thoroughly confused about the presence of the sleeves and kept looking at them and poking at them. Very cute.

-Robin

Thai Olympians

2008-08-24T05:00:00.000-05:00

Thai Olympians? But I didn't see any on NBC...

Ahhhh...but NBC doesn't show a lot of sports like weightlifting, taekwondo, and boxing.

Four Thai Olympians brought home metals. Above is medalist Prapawadee Jaroenrattanatarakoon who won the women's 53kg weightlifting.

You can read more from the Bangkok Post.

-Kyle

Sticky overload

2008-08-22T21:42:00.003-05:00

People who know me well are familiar with my problem with all things sticky. I deplore stickiness. It makes me extremely unhappy and mildly queasy. I know that children are sticky. I attempted to mentally prepare for the Sticky Onslaught in the months prior to bringing T home. But Oh My is he sticky! After his morning oatmeal and banana, especially so. I've taken to spraying him off in the kitchen sink after meals. (Notice the lack of clothing? That's for ease of spraying.)

He will smash his food: in his hair, on his legs, over his entire face, in his ears, and along his arms. At that point, what good is the bib, really? It's just another thing to wash. I am seriously considering putting his booster seat in the bathtub for meals. Then we can just turn on the shower when he's done. Can anyone give me one good reason to reconsider?

-Robin

2 month post-placement meeting

2008-08-22T21:34:00.006-05:00

Monday we had T's 2 month post- placement meeting, which was held at a church near the former offices of our agency. It went well, and I think T succeeded in thoroughly charming our social worker. We submitted 12 photos for her to attach to the report for Thailand.

It's hard to get an in-focus picture of T these days. We have to wait until he falls asleep, as he's enjoying his new-found ability to run, run, RUN!

-Robin

FIRE!

2008-08-17T04:51:00.002-05:00

I woke up earlier this week to the news that an office building in Madison was on fire. This normally would not concern me, but the address raised a red flag, and I shortly realized it was our social worker's office, Lutheran Social Services.

Over $2 million in damage. Firefighters were on scene for hours.

Robin and I counted ourselves lucky that we weren't in the stages before traveling, when some important documents may have been in that building. Any of our lost files can easily be replaced.

Our heart went out to anyone who does have important documents there. The news stories profiled a few families who were affected MUCH worse by the loss of files.

Before the end of the week, we heard from our social worker because we're scheduled to meet her next week. She said our papers MIGHT have made it. Apparently the head of the agency went into the building with the firefighters while the fire was still going to get what files she could. Our social worker thinks our files might be among them, but they're being freeze-dried and she won't know for awhile.

Of course, we're happy to do whatever needs to be done to help.

"Sawasdee"

2008-08-17T04:41:00.004-05:00

I was going to blog about this article:

Hello-o!? The magic words are not 'hello'

from the Bangkok Post. But when I looked for a photo to go with the post, I came across this photo. So, now I'm writing about the general concern regarding maintaining Thai culture when there's so much Western influence.

The article is about how the government is making an effort for Thais to say "Sawasdee" instead of "Hello", especially on the phone.

I talked to only a few Thais on the phone while in Thailand, but most of the Thais I met in person said "Sawasdee". If there are really more people starting to say "Hello", that's quite the bummer indeed.

As far as this photo goes, it's a rather sad expression of how global Western culture is, but at the same time, at least the corporate logo is trying to fit in the culture.

It begs the question...If you ran into Ronald McDonald on the streets of Bangkok, would he say "Sawasdee" or "Hello"?

Anti-racism resources

2008-08-13T23:49:00.003-05:00

I just wanted to share a few links with really good information to help fight racism, and help kids when they encounter it:

Anti-Racist Parent is a great blog I've been reading, "for parents committed to raising children with an anti-racist outlook".
Tolerange.org has a lot of good articles for parents and a page for kids with stories and games.
Tolerance.org's Speak Up web pages offer concrete suggestions for how to respond to subtle and overt bigotry we may encounter from friends, neighbors, co-workers, or strangers.
Finally, this post from an adult Korean adoptee does an excellent job explaining why "love is not enough" and why just being "colorblind" does not help internationally adopted kids deal with the racism they will face.

I sometimes feel daunted in the task ahead of us, before we even begin. It's hard to imagine effectively preparing our kiddo to deal with racism that we've never had to experience. But we will do our best. Meanwhile, we'll be teaching him to talk and use a spoon.

-Robin

Happy Thai Mother's Day

2008-08-12T10:25:00.004-05:00

Today is the Queen of Thailand's birthday, and as she is considered by Thais to be the "mother to Thai people", the country honors all mothers today.

T and I will pick some flowers from our garden and put them in a vase today. I think we'll pick 3 - one for his birth mom, one for his foster mom, and one for me. =)

Thanks, Hirally, for reminding me that the holiday is today!

-Robin

There's always common ground somewhere

2008-08-07T07:45:00.006-05:00

"I'm looking forward to eating some good Thai food." - Pres. George W. Bush

This picture makes T giggle.

Three quick thoughts

2008-08-06T21:40:00.003-05:00

I came home from work tonight to an extra-happy T who was freshly bathed, smelling sweet, and curled up in bed reading books with his Daddy. I can't think of anything in the whole world better than cuddling and giggling with my 2 boys. My heart almost burst.
I started working on a Lifebook for T, spurred by a coupon I got for a free photo book if I submit it by mid September. The wording is proving to be a challenge for me, but I'm trying not to stress about it too much, as I plan to revise and make new versions often as he gets older and his level of understanding increases. My goal now is to just get something on paper. Looking at pictures of his birth mom again today had me teary-eyed. What an amazing treasure we've been trusted with. It' all a bit overwhelming when I think of her.
Someone saw T from a distance and made a bee-line for us at the farmer's market last weekend. I braced myself for the usual, "Where's he from?" and general adoption questions, but was delighted that she wanted only to gush about how cute he is and simply asked his age before moving on with a smile and a wave. How refreshing! I usually don't mind the questions we get in public, and often even enjoy the resulting conversations, but on ocassion, it's nice to just feel "normal". I have a feeling all the comments will get old for T once he's old enough to understand, and he'll want to feel "normal", too. Oh well, that bridge is for another day.

-Robin

Young baseball fan

2008-08-05T16:53:00.001-05:00

Green card

2008-08-03T10:07:00.004-05:00

T got his Permanent Resident (aka Green) card in the mail yesterday.
I must admit, I know there are things we have to do regarding his citizenship, but I've put off even looking at any of it because I think we have to be finalized first. Or not. Perhaps I should check. In any case, I hadn't even thought to be on the lookout for his card, so it was a pleasant surprise.

And T is tickled pink about it.

Don't play with your vegetables

2008-08-01T10:28:00.003-05:00

Well, in this case go ahead.

Already too attached to technology

2008-08-01T10:26:00.003-05:00

Tears as someone tries to take the phone away.

T prefers our bed

2008-07-27T20:40:00.004-05:00

Long story short - see the title. Long story long - keep reading.

T survived his first weekend away from home. During the day, it was lots of fun. At night, it was not.

We visited my parents to entertain guests from Belgium (the cousin of my AFS exchange sister from...ahem...12 years ago). My Belgian "cousin" Jurgen, age 10 when I knew him, is now all grown up and touring the US with a friend. We were happy that they wanted to stop and see us. They drove all the way from Ohio - one goal of the trip being to experience the wicked roller coasters at Cedar Point. (I remember him telling me 12 years ago that he was going to visit Ohio to do those coasters - I think it's pretty neat that he kept his boyhood dream!)

While we normally would not have considered T spending a night away from home this soon, we thought the circumstances were such that we should give it a try - and one of us was prepared to head home with T if we needed to.

We arrived at my parents' home before they did on Friday, and I think this helped him to feel comfortable more quickly...he explored the new surroundings with just us, and by the time my parents were home from work, he was already feeling good about being there. (In contrast, when we first visited my sister's place, he was initially very uneasy despite meeting her many times and being comfortable with her in our home. So maybe we'll have to ask people to hide for 30 minutes when we visit them!)

T liked hanging out Friday evening and ate well at dinner. (He'll eat nearly anything now - we are so lucky!) He happily sought out my parents' laps for stories, and was in a great mood. At bedtime he fell asleep fast - he was worn out from all the attention. We hemmed and hawed, and finally decided to try leaving him with my mom so we could both go out with our visiting guests. Conversation:

Me-"Would you mind terribly if Kyle and I BOTH go out tonight? We can put T in your room in case he wakes up and you can keep an eye on him."
Mom-"Of course not. I'd be happy to watch him."
Me-"He normally doesn't wake up. If he does, you can give him some water and he'll probably fall back asleep. If he's still crying, you might have to walk him around a bit."
Mom-"You mean I'd get to pick him up?"
=)

When we left the house, I was confident he would sleep, Kyle was worried he'd wake and be really upset, and Mom was barely concealing her glee. Someone speculated she might just poke him to wake him on purpose to have an excuse to hold him. =) This was our first time leaving T with someone. Once we were out, I was half enjoying a child-free evening and half worrying he'd wake and be really upset. (Not that I admitted this at the time to My-Worrier-Kyle, since it was too late to change our minds.)

As luck would have it, he slept until 12:43 and we pulled in the driveway at 12:45. Fortunately, he wasn't crying. Unfortunately, he was wide awake. I spent the rest of the evening trying to settle him down, but he got increasingly more agitated although he was clearly tired. He would only lay down on top of me, but couldn't seem to get comfortable, and would roll off and start crying. I tried pacing with him in the carrier. I tried rocking him in a chair. I tried sleeping in the bed. I tried laying on the floor. Then I tried all those things again. And again. At about 2:30 in the morning, I gave up and let him play on the living room floor, where he finally fell asleep, toys in hand. He slept lightly and woke often to cry softly so I had to rub his back a lot to keep him sleeping. This meant that I was sleeping on the floor as well. I used to crawl out of bed to sleep on the floor on purpose when I was little. I thought it was comfortable. Now I'm not sure what I saw in it, because I was really sore by the time we woke.

During the day, he was his normal, sunny self, if only a bit more tired than usual. My mom and grandma and I hung out with T while the boys enjoyed a baseball game. T was enjoying having 3 people to read him stories and play with him. He ate well and by bedtime he was again exhausted. He fell asleep at once, but at 1am, he woke crying and he and I were miserable the rest of the night. From then on, he couldn't stay asleep more than 10 minutes at a time and woke crying. I would hold him and rub his back and he'd eventually settle down and sleep another 10 minutes. This repeated itself until a little after 5am, when he woke screaming with extra gusto and I grumpily pushed him at Kyle and told him to take our fussy monkey away so I could get some sleep. Poor Kyle did as asked and I was able to sleep for a few hours.

T was so tired from the ordeal he actually fell asleep while chewing his breakfast. The rest of the day was fun. We visited the park and wished our guests well on their journey back to Ohio.

Now we're back home and I am wondering how he'll fare in the wee hours tonight. I think he was so fussy in Milwaukee because he was sleeping in a strange place. At bedtime, he was so tired it didn't prevent him from falling asleep, but after getting a few good hours in, he woke and was scared and unhappy about being away from home. I don't think it's because he woke while we were gone on Friday night, just because we were home so fast, I don't think he even realized we were gone. I'm kind of thinking we'll get our answer tonight. If he sleeps well, maybe he just wanted to be home. If he's fussy again, maybe we traumatized him by sleeping away from home or when he woke and we weren't there. Maybe. I guess we don't know. I wish he knew more sign language than "milk" and "more". In any case, I'm not excited to sleep away from home again soon. We had a great time, but the lack of sleep is going to hurt - we normally use the weekends to catch up on sleep and recharge. Now we're exhausted and the work week is looming large and long.

On a totally unrelated note, T loves sweet corn, so here are a couple gratuitous kid pics from dinner this evening.

T's Utterz

2008-07-21T15:42:00.003-05:00

You'll notice a new feature on the blog. On the right you'll find "T's Utterz". This is a feed from T's Utterz page.

What is this and why are we using it? First question first:

-Utterz is kind of like Twitter, only with audio, video, and text. It's meant to allow for very quick and short updates. So, it's kind of like a blog to blog about blog stuff between blogs. Make sense?

So, then, why? A couple reasons:

-T is starting to talk, and we want you to listen.
-T loves to play with the phone, so this is a great excuse to give him some practice.
-I find myself finding things I want to blog about, but not having the time. Now I can blog on the phone while I'm carrying T.
-There are a million little things it's impossible to blog about, but this gives us one more opportunity to record what's going on for our own sake, and for yours.
-I need to learn more about these new communication methods people are using these days.

You can also find this feed on Punkin's blog, if you're getting sick of logging on to Critter Quest everyday.

Don't worry. We'll keep blogging...but I hope this will open up some new opportunities.

Thai Pavillion and Friends

2008-07-17T21:59:00.004-05:00

Today T and I met our friends with their Thai daughter at a Thai Pavilion and Gardens. It was a lovely, hot morning, and we had a silly photo shoot with the kids. I think the parents were far more interested in this activity than the children. The cutest pictures were of the 2 of them-briefly holding hands, posing with stone elephants, etc., but I have a no photos of other people's kids rule, so here are the solo shots.
He was enthralled with watching the ducks in the little stream.
He normally gravitates to water, so I thought he'd love the sprinklers across the paths. Not quite.
The only thing that got him smiling was holding his maraca, which I unfortunately didn't think to break out until we were leaving.
Oh, and his pants? Yeah - they are indeed supposed to be shorts....for a much larger child. Thank goodness he's too little to know he should be embarrassed.

-Robin

Ah, the weekend

2008-07-13T16:12:00.006-05:00

Weekends are going to be a lot easier than the work week. We managed to survive juggling both work and T, but it's difficult, especially since T had some pretty rough days. On the attachment front, I feel like we went backwards a bit at the beginning of the week. He was probably a bit stressed about only one of us being around at a time. I can't say I blame him - so was I. We've been playing lots of attachment games and T wanted nothing to do with them, or us. It's frustrating, but I know we'll get through the tough days one hour at a time.

Friday my sister stopped over to visit and we stopped at Kyle's work on the way to the library. His co-workers got to meet T, and I am happy that T was shy and tried to burrow into my chest. It's good that he feels safest with us. All the new people were a bit overwhelming to him, even being in the carrier, and the visit ended in tears and hiding in a back hallway.

Everyone's feeling a little better now, and T might have even given me a couple of hugs this week (a first). (Either that, or he's trying to kill me with a death grip, since the hitting and biting have failed.)

Saturday was lovely and T got to meet his betrothed. She came home from Thailand a week or two after him, and is precious. They exchanged wood chips at the playground to cement their relationship.

Today we hiked the local trail system again. The loops we tried were WET and BUGGY and totally unmarked. We had a very rough map, and there were many extra minor trails that were not on the map, so it was near impossible to follow and we had been hiking for a good 40 minutes before we reached a point where we could say, "Ah, so THIS is where we are." Once I felt confident we'd be able to find the car again, I enjoyed the hike much more, and stopped along the way to sample the blackberries. T was a good sport, and even got in a short nap. The highlight for him was watching the snapping turtle we came across. But oops, we left the camera in the car, so use your imagination. It wasn't huge - maybe 12" long.

I'm trying to psych myself up for work this week and I fear I'm failing. I guess it'll arrive if I'm ready or not.

Oh yeah, and tomorrow, T will have officially been home with us for an entire month. How the heck did THAT happen so fast?

-Robin

The end

2008-07-06T14:17:00.005-05:00

Today we played at the park to enjoy our last day of freedom together. T enjoys to climb up the slides even more than he loves going down them. He walks/wobbles a little more each day, although he still prefers to cling to furniture along the way and sometimes decides crawling is just easier.

We also took a long hike (T in the Ergo carrier) during which T got his morning nap and Kyle and I had a chance to talk. It was a pretty trail that runs past the playground, so we're thinking of making that a weekly excursion. Hiking with an extra 24 pounds is a lot of work, but I tell myself this lets me off the hook from further exercise, and earns me ice cream besides.This afternoon we'll play in the yard, and tomorrow...gulp...it's back to work. Kyle will work full time and I'll work half-time, going in to work after Kyle is home for the day. That way one of us will always be home with T. We have this schedule through the end of October, and then we'll switch and Kyle will work part-time and I'll work full time until sometime in early 2009. I'm a little worried about when both of us go full-time, because that'll mean late nights for me, but it's a long ways off so I'm choosing to ignore that fact.

-Robin

Public Service Announcement

2008-07-04T20:34:00.005-05:00

A warning to adoptive parents who visit the excellent website a4everfamily for attachment resources:

The following game, as listed on the site's "Attachment Activities", must be played with extreme caution if your child already has teeth, or the experience may be traumatizing for all participants.

Cracker/Cereal Kisses

For older babies: Place a Cheerio™between your lips and allow the baby to eat it directly from your mouth.

Ow! (from experience)

-Robin

Happy Fourth of July!

2008-07-04T19:37:00.002-05:00

T's first Fourth of July was a busy day. We watched the parade with lots of family.

The color guard always makes me tear up a little, even though I'm not a very patriotic person (just emotional, maybe?), and standing with T while they passed really threatened to make me cry.

He wasn't quite sure what to make of all the commotion, and was wide eyed through most of the parade. It wasn't until the parade was finished that he started to wave (his current favorite pastime) at all the spectators who were walking back home.

Nana, Great-grandma, and my sister brought the quilt we collaboratively made for T (I did minimal work and braided the tails), and we got a great photograph with 4 generations of us together.

After the parade, Kyle's family stayed for dinner. The after-dinner entertainment was T. He never tired of crawling in and out of the cabinet set aside for him in the kitchin, yelling "Bye!" and waving each time he tried to close the door on himself. (Don't worry - the latch is removed!) And we didn't tire of watching him. Well, perhaps we did, but we didn't let on - he was so proud of himself.

-Robin

Sugar, hygiene, and partial nudity

2008-06-30T15:20:00.002-05:00

T's doing great...this blog post is about how we're doing. I can't speak 100% for Robin, but here's my assessment.

Not only am I eating a ton, a large portion of it is sugar. Note the chocolate chip cookie dough above. A lot didn't even make it to the oven. I'm also eating: ice cream, slushes of various varieties, chocolate in any form, peanuts (it's baseball season) and fruit (not as much as everything else).

I am used to showering once a day...now it's every other, if I'm lucky. What's remarkable is that I never even notice. Before, I would complain all day about how I didn't get a shower or shave.

Along with that comes a disregard for what I'm wearing. Many days I don't get around to properly dressing myself until we decide to go in public, and even then, it's a matter of throwing on anything I can find...I don't put much thought into it.

What I'm getting at with all this is the following: Life with a child is chaotic and I'm going with the flow, and not fighting it, as I had feared.

That said, we go back to work next week, which means I have to find time for a shower everyday and take the time to put a tie on again. I never thought I would be dreading that.

We are so lucky to have T. He's a wonderful, bubbly boy...whose teaching me about life.

-Kyle

Graceland

2008-06-27T20:21:00.005-05:00

I knew it - T can dance!

I've been experimenting with all kinds of music, from Prince to Barenaked Ladies to the Beatles, trying to get T to shake his diaper around. I strap him in the Ergo and we dance around the living room. I seem to get a lot more out of it than he does. He tolerates it pretty well, but only cracks a smile if we're in front of the mirror and he can see himself, or if I'm so outrageously, embarrassingly silly, he has no other alternative. (We have photos of this that I swear will never be allowed on the internet.) Until now, he hasn't felt the urge to bop along.

Tonight, however, while we were letting him amuse himself with all the buttons of the television (with the power off-he still doesn't know it works and we hope to keep it that way), I decided to try some Paul Simon. I had a feeling he'd love it, and sure enough, without any prompting at all, his back to us as he worked the TV buttons, he started bobbing up and down and rocking a bit from side to side on his chubby little legs. Paul Simon it is! Kyle and I started laughing and this made him perform a little more...until he decided enough was enough and melted down for the evening. Ah well. He's had a very moody couple of days and we're cherishing the smiles when we can get them.

No video of dancing T, however, as we agreed to post no diaper shots online. We don't want to give him too much ammunition to hate us as a teenager! =)

Elephants and Herman's Hermits

2008-06-26T10:54:00.007-05:00

What do elephants and Herman's Hermits have in common? Until today, I didn't think there was anything they had in common, but it turns out that the combination of the two seems to put T at ease during diaper changing time.

Robin recently changed the decoration around his diaper changing area to include elephants, and I started singing "I'm Henry VIII, I Am" during diaper changing. Since then, he's been tear-free. It's only worked a few times, so I'm not optimistic this will keep working, but we'll use it while we can.

Bath time also worked out better last night. We made the fun of the bath look irresistible (bubble noses, bath drums, dinosaurs, splashing...who could resist?) and he couldn't help but want to get in.

T is getting ever so close to walking. By the time some of you read this, he may actually be on his feet (as a matter of fact, he's walking as I type this). In the meantime, here's some video of some close calls from yesterday. You should also know that T now knows that Punkin will chase her little red Kong toy if it's thrown. Sometimes he's confused and likes to just throw it at her.

Here's some more pictures from play time. Can you figure out which is his favorite book? (We have it memorized.)

Big Bird and Cookie Monster hand puppets are also a hit. He likes to chew on Big Bird's beak and watch Big Bird squeal in pain. Yeah yeah, I know...we shouldn't encourage hilarious violence. I promise we'll break him of that (my own health depends on it).

T also loves playing with the phone (when we're using it, of course) so lucky for him, and us, we have an old portable phone in the basement. Take out the batteries and you have an instant toy.

-Kyle

Bullets

2008-06-25T06:58:00.008-05:00

My mind as been swimming with all the topics I could cover from what's been happening this week. As you can tell from our sparse blogging, we've been busy.

Instead of writing a lot about a few topics, I thought I'd write a little about a lot. Here come the bullets:

--T's been sleeping well at night...he occasionally wakes up to scream for 5-10 seconds, but immediately goes back to sleep. It's just enough to wake us up, but then we go back to sleep too.

--Meal time has improved drastically. This is partly because T is eating better, and partly because we're finding better ways to feed him. We've learned not to bring out individual dishes until we're ready to feed them to him - only one food can be in sight at a time. Among the things he's now eating: chicken soup, waffles, eggs, various fruits and vegetables, ham, rice, potato salad, baked beans, baked oatmeal...and on and on.

--The other night Robin made a nice and spicy green curry. We didn't expect to feed it to T, but we gave him a spoonful...and he asked for more. This was SPICY curry...it was making our noses water. He kept asking for more, with no signs that the spice was affecting him. Now that's native Thai! We're thrilled, but we won't mention it to his doctor.

--Diaper time is getting better, but can still be a challenge. It's hit or miss. Most of the time he hates it, but this morning, for instance, he seemed fine...just let me do my business without much fuss.

--Cloth diapers are going great. They aren't that much work and the weather has been so great, we've been hanging them to dry outside. We've improved our technique...now we have very few leaks.

--We have a good routine going...with a nap in the mid-morning and again in the early afternoon. We feel pathetic going to bed at 8:00, but then, we're up at 5:00. Personally, I love this schedule. The morning is the best time to be awake.

--My brother was over yesterday to fortify our home baby defenses. I'm now feeling a little better about T staying safe in the house (by brother is much handier and faster with the tools than I am).

--Playtime is what I dread the most...I'm not terribly creative, so I feel like I've not very entertaining for him. But, I've found that all that's needed is his creativity. I gave him a pot and spoon to play with yesterday. He made some toy soup, and then decided to put himself in the soup. Very entertaining. The mosquitoes are limiting our outdoor time. Typically we would avoid going out in the midday sun, but we've decided it's better than fighting the mosquitoes.

--We now have a "forbidden toy" stack in the "forbidden room" (the room he's simply not allowed into). The "forbidden toys" are mostly toys that too easily double as weapons.

--T is VERY close to walking. In fact, he's gotten up off the floor and taken a few steps on a couple occasions. But, whenever this happens, there is such a noise of excitement from everyone around him, that he freezes and falls, and might be frightened to try it again :)

--Bath time has been going fine, until yesterday. He just decided that he hated it. So, today we are off to get some bubble bath and some more exciting bath toys. We also have a game plan going into the next bath time.

--Robin and I are SORE. We know that T's ability to walk will create it's own unique challenges, but not having to carry him will be a welcome change. By the way, have we mentioned that we love the ergo? We can walk around all day with him in the ergo, no problems.

--Our friends Jim and Courtney, in a nearby city, are in Bangkok and nearly ready to come home with Piyamon. We're so excited for them and can't wait for our first play date after they've settled in.

--Skype has been a nice tool to introduce T to family member who live further away. We have it hooked up to the living room TV, which makes for easy video chatting.

--Punkin is doing well. Her biggest complaint is when she gets left on one floor while we're on the other (the baby gates limit her movement). At least once she's jumped the gate to get downstairs. Oh, and since we have the chairs pulled from the table all the time now, she likes to go table surfing for leftovers after meals. Very bad when the meal is chocolate pudding. (Inducing vomiting was not fun for anyone involved!)

--We still haven't turned on the TV. It's great. There isn't time for it anyway. T seems to be enjoying his board books (over and over and over again). Yesterday was his first trip to the library - while T isn't bored with his books yet, Mom wanted a change.

--There is continued discussion over T's name. "T" will be his first name, but it's the middle and last name that are tricky. We have until finalization to make a decision, so it means six more months of indecision. (Robin thinks she's made a decision and is just waiting for Kyle to come to the same inevitable choice.)

-This is a whole other blog post, but I've marveled at how much of this is really going as expected. So many people told me, going into this, that "it will change your entire life". I heard this so often, I pretty much expected it. For me, there really wasn't a "holy crap, what have we done" moment. That's not to say it's been easy...it's just that I didn't expect it to be easy.

--At this point, Robin and I feel like we're mostly dealing with the issues any parent of a one-year-old would be dealing with....and we're feeling pretty good about it. We have some attachment issues to work through yet, but he still smiles, and it continues to melt our hearts.

-Kyle

Beautiful Saturday

2008-06-22T05:41:00.005-05:00

It was a beautiful Saturday, so we went to a local farmers' market and gave T some time in his new pool.

Turns out he likes sugar snap peas.

He's getting some practice on his feet.
...and also likes to point.

Take note of what it says on his shirt. We put it on him, inspired by diaper-changing time.
T got a pool and swimming gear from uncle Clint and aunt Brienne. It's been a hit.
He loves to play with the little toy the pool came with that sprays water into the air.

-Kyle

Lions and Tigers and Bears

2008-06-20T15:28:00.003-05:00

This morning we visited the local park and T entertained us with his antics. Video for the grandparents (or anyone else who is bored) is included.

Then we took T to the zoo and Auntie M. met us there. He seemed very serious through most of the trip, but did get into pointing at some of the animals - the giraffes, especially.

Kyle had The Worst Diaper Experience Ever in the zoo restroom, which I could only hear from outside and cringe at, wishing I could rush in and assist.

The carousel was a nice cap to the outing - T enthusiastically waved hello and goodbye to all the spectators on every pass. He thought everyone was there to see him in particular and loved every second.

And T got half my ice cream bar (all over his face).

Nap time arrived with less screaming today. His current tactic is to change the subject by trying to get me to laugh. It was amazingly difficult to be stoic during his funny babbles and faces. Now that he's napping, I can indulge in a guilty pleasure - fruit loops and a brandy slush.

- Robin