Sunday, December 20, 2009

Daddy's back

I've already received my present for Christmas.  I get a whole lot of free time with my family.

It's been a busy couple of months for daddy.  This fall I added a part time job to my routine, which added a lot of hours to my work week....although some stategically-utilized vacation time helped ease the weekly workload.

Since the part time job is on campus, I'm already done for the semester and enjoying a break before classes resume in January.  Being down to one full time job for a few weeks will feel good.

The second job has been a change in our routine that results in more T time with mommy, and a little less with daddy.  On a few occasions, we had daddy/kiddo days, which were terrific fun.

I miss all the extra time I used to have with him, but I'm very grateful we can continue to be home with T.

I also miss blogging.  There have been dozens of blog entry topics I've thought of and forgotten about in the last couple of months.  I'll have to do a better job of writing them down next semester.

I've been thinking a lot about T's future sibling lately.  T has made it an easier wait by distracting us with his infectious personality, but we're talking more and more about our eventual trip back to Thailand.  T is excited about it, but also raising concerns about us holding a different baby.  I suppose it's good he started thinking of this new reality now.  Perhaps it will be less startling than a sudden realization that he's no longer our only focus of attention.

Some have been surprised to hear how excited I am about the second referral.  Apparently, for most families, the anticipation over getting the second referral is less than the first.  I can't help but be excited to find out.

I never forget that for every adoption story, there's likely sad circumstances behind it.  I feel some guilt in being excited, but I can't deny my anticipation.

Perhaps you'll hear from me a few more times before I dive back into my books.  No doubt we'll have some stories and pics from the upcoming holiday.


Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I happily have nothing important to say

I was thinking about attachment today because, well, I realized I hadn't thought about it in awhile.  T has been so very lovey lately.  I don't usually make a point to write about attachment when it's going well, but I probably should, or this blog will give the impression that our attachment with T is always a struggle.  It sometimes feels that way, but it sometimes feels easy.

The easy times have been rare since I lost my job in September.  While I enjoy not working 2nd shift, the change in routine was hard for all of us.  But, and I am aware that I am jinxing myself here, the last few weeks have been deliciously sweet.

I hear at least 60 cheerful "I love you, Mama!"s a day that are peppered with kisses on my nose, little arms around my neck, offers of back-rubs, and requests to snuggle longer.  He pets my hair and tells me I'm a "nice little girl".  I think he's in love - I know I am.  For the most part, T has been happy and about as compliant as a kid closer to 3 than 2 can be.

He still usually prefers me over Kyle when given the choice, but he misses his dad when he's at work and is excited to see him come home.

The road to attachment hasn't always been smooth for us, and there seem to be a lot of blind corners, so I'm relishing this patch of road while we're on it.


Saturday, December 12, 2009

Two years

Two years ago tonight, I pulled into the driveway after work to see Kyle running out the back door, waving me frantically inside.  He had the phone in his hand, and laryngitis in his throat so he wasn't able to talk to our social worker, who had just called to tell us they'd matched us with a little boy named T, born in Bangkok and almost 7 months old.

I tried to keep from shaking as I stood in the kitchen and listened to Marissa read information from T's file.  I remember wondering how she thought I'd remember a thing she was telling me.  When the conversation was over, we tripped all over ourselves to get the computer open and look for an email that would have the photographs we'd been dreaming of seeing for the last year.  We paused before opening the files, looking at each other and holding our breath.  Then suddenly, we could see the beautiful face of a little boy whose name we weren't yet sure how to pronounce (and still weren't after we'd been home a full year, but that's another story).

Sharing the news of his referral with our family that Christmas was an excitement that I'll never forget.

I knew that our lives would never be the same, but I didn't really grasp the enormity of that change.  T is my greatest love and my greatest challenge.  His successes make me prouder than any personal accomplishment.  On tough days, he can make me more frustrated than I knew possible.  His joy is contagious and brightens the entire house.  I feel lucky beyond words that I'm T's mom.  It's hard to believe only 2 years have gone by.  Life feels so incredibly different now.

I'm finally letting myself get excited about the possibility of receiving word of T's future sibling.  It's still a long ways off, but I think I'll feel something like this: