Tuesday, July 21, 2009

The Second Wait

I hate to admit it, but this wait for Critter #2 is currently ridiculously easy for me. I feel guilty saying that. Guilty about how Critter #2 would feel about that, and guilty about how hard it is for other waiting families. I know how hard it gets. The ache of waiting for T has softened in my mind, but I absolutely remember. I could make believe that our adoption of T has made me wise in knowing that Critter #2 will join our family when the time comes, and that worry and want in the meantime will do nothing but add unhelpful stress to our lives. But honestly, I think I'm not letting myself even acknowledge that we're actually waiting for a referral right now because the wait is so long that it would be excruciating to carry the level of angst we had last time for so many more months. Our time line to bring T home was fast and yet felt glacial. We expect to wait at least twice as long this time around. People ask me how the process is going for #2 and I'm honestly a bit surprised, like I've forgotten all about that little old dossier we threw together one weekend* for kicks. So here I am, (pretending not to be) waiting.


*heavy sarcasm alert for friends outside the adoption world. "one weekend" = months of paperwork, notaries, appointments, photographs, phonecalls, letters, emails, applications, checklists, and evil courier services.


lucy said...

robin -
do not feel guilty. i actually have the same feelings right now about my wait. its as if knowing about sudee made me forget her in defense. after about a month of excitement I'm to the point where I don't think about her a bit and when people ask I am surprised. how strange.
the mind has its way of helping us cope! no guilt. ;)
my husband and I thrive on your pictures of T by the way!!!

rosemary said...

I have often wondered how the wait for subsequent children will feel. I have always sort of imagined that it must not be as bad simply because we would have survived it before and that always gives one perspective. Plus we will be so busy with Button that chasing a toddler must make the wait go faster. So please don't feel guilty. Surely this is normal.

Melissa May said...

First off, your comment about throwing together a dossier one weekend just for kicks makes me LOL for real. so funny!

Second, your post reminds me of the 2nd time I was pregnant... 1st time (which I had waited/prayed/hoped 2 years for) it seemed like I thought about it ALL THE TIME. 2nd time (while chasing a toddler) I would actually forget that I was pregnant (less at the end, of course). Bizarre, I know... but I do think it's at least in part because of the attention it takes to care for a little one. And I don't think your 2nd critter will mind one bit - as long as you are equally excited about bringing him/her home! : )

Chris and Terri said...

Robin - I think it's different because you have T and he's keeping you busy.

Throw 7 days a week football in there and you'll see why last fall flew for us and winter 3 days a week basketball dragged on for us. The kids don't actually play that many days but their schedules didn't overlap at all during football so someone had practice or game everyday... Ah the joy of sports.

Hirally said...

Don't feel guilty at all - it is that way for subsequent children in general - you have one to keep you super busy as it is - once you have your new critter -you will also be surprised as how much more relaxed regarding raising them than you are with your first - is part of how it is - sometime i feel bad for K for not making a big fuss about everything she does or doesn't do but at the same time I think is to her benefit that I am not helicoptering as much like I did with D at her age!