Wednesday, July 1, 2009


I've got a year of fathering under my belt, and I have a few observations to share.  I meant to post this around Father's Day, but you know how life gets sometimes.

Here we go:

--Fathering can be easy, but it shouldn't be.  Like most things in life, experiences with the most value come with a lot of hard work.  It means stepping away from what you want to be doing, to do what's best for your child.  Often, the challenge isn't contending with the extra responsibilities...after all, it can be a lot of fun.  The real burden is giving up a part of your own life for your child's sake.  What you will learn is that spending time with your child is good for more than just your child.

--Most fathers I know are engaged with their children's lives.  Some not as much.  While this is distressing, I can see why it happens.  As I said above, fathers can often get off easy, if they want to.  I suppose many men see the benefits of  spending time with their kids as less tangible than other ways to spend time.  Many men, myself included, tend to work in easy equations...2+2=4.  With kids, the benefits of spending time with them are emotional, dynamic and long term....extremely difficult math.

--Being a father gives me a new appreciation for my own father.  I suppose I knew that was always works that way.

--I'm sad birth fathers, in many cases, don't hold the same place in the life of adopted children as their mothers do.  Certainly there is little to be done about this, but I mourn the reality none-the-less.

I'm not trying to get down on dads.  There are a lot of great ones out there...LOTS.  I don't pretend to be one of them.  Most days it's easier to find my faults than my successes.

I just want to make sure all dads are at least trying.  If you're not, you don't know what you're missing.


1 comment:

rosemary said...

What a sweet post, Kyle! Yes, I'm sad too that Biological dads rarely get mentioned. We are going to try to do our best to talk about him a lot in our house. I wish there was more literature that mentioned them positively. If you have any recommendations let us know.