Monday, July 2, 2007

Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother

I caved and read another unhappy adoption book. I had gotten an armful at the library, and this one just seemed like a quick read. Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother is not a book I would recommend. Jana Wolff is, to her credit, painfully honest about her feelings, but I think she has a lot of unresolved issues and anger about adoption in general. I hope her son doesn't read this book when he grows up. Her son was adopted through an open adoption and the author's thoughts about his birth mother are insulting and hurtful. While some of the other chapters were thought provoking, I couldn't get past the "Dear Birth Mother" letter she "wanted to write" which began "Screw you. Do you think I want to beg a complete stranger for a kid whose own mother doesn't want him?" and ended with "I don't want my kid to be your mistake." (The middle part didn't improve it any.)
Yikes. I cringed big time at this. A child's birth mom will always be a part of them, and such a lack of respect not only reflects the adoptive parent's feelings toward the birth mom, but the child as well, in my opinion. I thought it was very sad to see she felt this way.


Glen and Andrea said...

I totally agree with you. Its a sad thing that while we are researching the issues of adoption we come across some sad stories of Adoptive parents who just don't get it. It makes me feel a little bit better to know how stringent the social workers are before they accept us.

TracyMcGal said...

Thanks for posting about this book. It is one that I will definately not be reading. At the end of the day people like this woman must regret all of the negative energy that she put out about adoption. Good grief, so many people would love to have children but can't for one reason or another - can't afford adoption, no support from family, etc . Not to mention that she is screwing up her child. Anyway, thank for the post.

Hanna said...

Don't let this other unhappy adoption book get you down. Let's hope it is 'De uitzondering die de regel bevestigt'. You made your choice, according to us a brave and 'bewonderenswaardige' choice. Please, don't let people like this women get you down. People like you two will show that adoption works and is worthy.
For as much as it means something, we support you all the time.
Love from Belgium.
Big kisses and a huge hug.
Hanna, Elke & Maarten

lucy said...

robin - thank you so much for your blog invite! i read this book too and it scared the hell out of me. it was so good to read your review. I think you and kyle are more like me and my hubby than any of the other net families (no families in my town with the thai bebes that I can find, so I live on the net) and it is so good to read your blog. THANK YOU!!!!